Leon
“Maybe it’s a good thing you had your guts split open,” Alastor says as he settles beside Harman’s bed in the healer’s tent. He strokes the hair back from the brunette’s face, studying him. “Now you’ll be safe here, while we go deal with that bastard.”
Harman grimaces, even as he catches Alastor’s hand and gives it an affectionate squeeze. Mal did a good job with the Hand’s leader, and though his breathing is labored from the broken ribs and yards of bandages wrapped around his torso, his eyes are alert.
“I’ve fought my whole life for the Temple to get its day of reckoning, and now that the day has come, I have to stay behind? The gods have a sick sense of humor,” he complains.
“We’ll get him for you, Harman,” Ana says, standing over the pair. “I swear.”
Harman nods, but I note he doesn’t ask either Ana or Alastor to make other promises—ones about coming back alive. As the Hand’s leader, I suspect he knows all too well that the odds areagainst everyone he loves coming back from this. If it comes to it, I don’t know if I would feel the same. Not where Ana is concerned.
I call her to our private tent after she’s said goodbye to Harman. The sun is creeping over the horizon, meaning soon we’ll return to the Miravow, and I want to check in with her properly when she’s not distracted.
“Are you alright?”She asks as she ducks under the tent flap, checking me over.
“Yes,”I say, pulling her into an embrace. I let my chin rest on her head, inhaling the jasmine scent of her soft hair.
“I wanted to ask ifyou’realright,” I say, drawing back.
“I am. As much as I can be, anyway,” she says. “But we have a plan now, and that helps.”
Yes, the plan. The one that requires her to unleash her death power to goad Caledon. I know she’s ambivalent about that power, despite its usefulness. I let her sense my thought process through the mooring, asking my question without having to say it aloud.
“How will you handle it?”
“I’ve used that power on Trovians before,” she says, biting her lip.
“Yes, but?—”
“Not on this scale,” she concedes. “And not just to make a point to Caledon. The other times, the people I killed were trying to killus.”
“Exactly,”I answer.
She frowns, her fingernails digging into her palms like they do when she’s worried.
“I think I’ll be okay,”she says. “I wonder if I was meant to get familiar with that part of me over these last few months. The Morelium at Ribold’s and the attack at Siga prepared me. They got me to face the darkness.”
I take her hand, gently unfolding her fingers from her palm. Her fingernails are almost all grown back now after her torture.
“That’s how you think of it, as darkness?”I ask.
“It’s a missing piece in my soul, so that’s the image that makes sense to me. But it’s important I accept it, whatever shape it takes.I don’t know if the old me would have been able to use this power—I think I would’ve been too afraid, worried it came from somewhere unnatural. It’s not like I don’t have other, fairer weapons at my disposal.”
“Fairer how?”I ask.
She shrugs.“Something people can defend themselves against. Something they can see coming. But that doesn’t matter now, because I know I’m strong enough to do this.”
“You know you’re still you, don’t you?” I say, speaking aloud to emphasize the words. I cradle her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb. “It’s not that these things don’t change you, I won’t lie and say they don’t. But it won’t alter you beyond recognition. Trust that.”
“That’s the point,” she says, her eyes staring into mine. “There’s a price to pay for this kind of power. I know I’ve been touched by the darkness. But I also know I can make sure that darkness doesn’t consume me.”
I nod. I’ve been there, battling the demons that came with decades of extreme power and violence. It’s easy to lose yourself, if you don’t understand there’s another option.
“I have you to thank for teaching me that,” she says.
“I’ve always been very wise,” I agree, smiling before pulling her close and kissing her.
She smiles against my lips.
