“Don’t.” Sully shook his head, even while his face was still half-pressed against my stomach. “Don’t.I’msorry. For a second, I just thought—fuck.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him.
“You came back,” he breathed, or at least, I was pretty sure those were the words that came out of his mouth, muffled by my shirt. But before I could respond, he abruptly stood, and then I was being lifted into Sully’s grasp. My legs automatically circled his waist while my arms did the same around his neck, and he carted me off down the hallway, into the living room.
“Sawyer,” I said, but it wasn’t a protest. More a shamelessgiggle, this short burst of levity in a moment that felt like a dream, a reality that I’d never consciously imagined. None of this was funny. None of this was funny at all, but I was so relieved to have told him, to have gotten it off my chest, to have his strong arms around me.
Sully pulled me down onto his mom’s rust-colored couch, keeping me wrapped around him. He tucked his head into the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. My nose was in his hair, the smell of his minty shampoo so achingly familiar.
“I’ll let go,” he breathed against my skin. “I promise, just give me a second.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Not when I had the urge to tell him not to let go at all. Because I’d badly needed this—this hug, this embrace, this tight hold. Tears once again welled in my lashes, and when they threatened to fall, I didn’t even bother trying to stop them. Not this time.
When Sully heard my sniffle, he lifted his head, searching my face.
“Hey.” His voice was the softest I’d heard in a long time, reminiscent of how it used to be, which only made me cry harder. “Hey, El. Hey, it’s going to be okay.”
I nodded, wiping at my eyes. I knew it would be. I knew now it would be.
“Look, fuck, I’m sorry.” He shook his head, brows pulled together in a look of pain. His eyes were frantic as they bounced between mine, glaring at my tears like he could scare them away. “I’m so sorry, Eleanor. Shit, I?—”
“Don’t.” I wiped at my tears, but there were too many of them. “I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”
“Because this is—” He sighed, and it sank me back into reality a bit. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle and maybe a little sad. “Because I know you didn’t want this, didn’t want kids, and IknowI should have been more careful?—”
“I never said I didn’t want this,” I cut in, needing to set that straight. But I also didn’t feel like debating who was more at faultfor the pregnancy. It was equally our choice, equally our actions that led us here. We both should have been more careful, considering I wasn’t on birth control. And we both had been too caught up in seeing each other again to care. “I said I didn’tknowif I wanted it.”
He swallowed hard, nodding. And then, almost as though he suddenly remembered we weren’t together, andwhywe weren’t together, he slid me off his lap, settling me on the couch beside him. We were still touching, still close, but I was no longer in his lap.
“Do you know now?” he asked. “What you want?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Are you sure?” He searched my face. “I’ll support you. I know I’ve been an ass. Shit, I’ve been such an ass about you showing up here. But I promise I’ll support whatever you…whatever you want.”
It sounded difficult for him to say, but I knew he meant it.
“I’m sure,” I promised. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him more, to tell him that everything changed the moment I stared at the positive sign on the pregnancy stick and realized that there was going to be a human that might have Sully’s eyes, might have my hair. To tell him that I couldn’t ever imagine giving that possibility up, not now that it felt so real. “But I’m also…”
His brows furrowed. “What?”
“Scared,” I admitted in a small voice, saying the thing I’d never fully said before.
“Me, too,” he said, earnest, and it surprised me.
I knew things were different now, but Sully had never expressed any apprehensions about becoming a parent. It had always been the opposite.
“You’ll be a great dad, Sawyer,” I said, frowning. “I can’t imagine anyone being a better dad than you.”
And it was the truth.
The reason I was here.
Well, one of them.
“That’s not why I’m terrified, Eleanor.” He lifted his hand to my face, cupping my cheek and letting me lean into his touch. His thumb traced my cheekbone, wiping away any lasting tears. “Have you gone to the doctor yet?”
I nodded. “I went once in California. And then—what?”
