“Love you, too. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, bro,” Sully said, and even though I couldn’t see him, blocked by Noah’s massive football pads, I could hear the smile in his voice.
And once again, I couldn’t think of a single thing to argue about.
“Me, either.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
sully
“ICAN’T BELIEVE IT’S been a whole year since the last time we were here,” Noah said to me, but his eyes were on Gemma and no one else. She sat between her sister and Ellie on the opposite side of my mom’s large back deck, which overlooked the calm, shimmering lake. The fire table in front of them illuminated their faces, expressions glowing a pretty shade of orange, a color reflected in the mess of fallen leaves on the stained floorboards of the deck. “So much has changed since then.”
“It really has,” I agreed. “Last year, you were too much of a chickenshit to even kiss Gemma?—”
“Excuse me, I did kiss her,” Noah cut in, and I snorted.
“In a bar bathroom. Talk about romance, Noah.”
“Fuck you.” He rolled his eyes at me, but the corner of his mouth twitched like he was remembering it. Sinking lower into Mom’s padded patio furniture, Noah kicked his legs up on the little wicker table. He must be exhausted, but he wanted to come over to spend the evening with everyone after the game. Mom had put out drinks and snacks, and people had spread out in the backyard, enjoying the brisk fall evening.
I gave a soft chuckle. “I think you made up forit with the whole buying Gemma a house and proposing, though. Once you got your shit together, you didn’t waste any time, huh?”
“You bet I didn’t.” He shrugged. “It’s not like you’re going to wait now that you have Ellie back.”
He knew me so well.
“It’s a daily struggle not to whip out the ring I’ve been carrying around for years.”
I glanced over at Ellie, who looked so fucking cute wrapped up in a blanket. I didn’t notice it before, but Honey was sitting on her lap. And my heart felt like it just might explode.
“Are you guys doing okay?” Noah asked, his voice lower, and I dragged my gaze away from Eleanor. “Been worried.”
“Oh, yeah, you know. Old house and all, but as long as the Wi-Fi doesn’t go out, we’ll surv?—”
“Sul.” Noah sighed. “I wasn’t talking about the house.”
“Yeah. I know.” It was just easier sometimes than identifying feelings. Putting them into words. Admitting that shit was hard. I looked at Noah, deflating into something more sincere and honest. “We’re okay. But grief is real. And it’s, I don’t know, confusing a lot of the time—how I feel. I’ve always wanted kids, but I naively didn’t realize what that really entailed.”
“Pregnancy is terrifying as fuck, man,” Noah said with a nod, andGod, it felt good to hear someone else say that. “I was constantly worried about Gemma. It was like—” He ran a hand through his hair. “Irrational half the time, but I couldn’t stop. Poor Blake, I fucking texted him constantly with medical questions and shit.”
“That’s true,” our oldest brother cut in, making a timely appearance as he walked out from the house and dropped into the open chair on the other side of Noah. “Not that I cared.”
I glanced at Blake and the very prep boy quarter zip he was wearing. “Did Delaney tell you I called her?”
He nodded, and his dark hair flopped in front of his eyes, longer than normal. He pushed it back. “Yeah, just before we flew out here, she mentionedit.”
Sinking lower into my seat, I threw the hood of my sweatshirt up to combat the chill in the October air. “Sorry to call your wife and not you, but I was spiraling a little, and Ellie said she was the only one who knew.”
“I don’t mind.” Blake shrugged, seeming truly unbothered. “Lane’s a great person to call. But youcancall me, Sul. About other things. About anything.” His dark eyes—the color of our dad’s—shot over to me. “You know that, right?”
My nod was flippant. “Yeah, of course.”
Blake gave me a pensive look, words on the tip of his tongue. And then, “Delaney said you mentioned not wanting tobotherher or us?—”
I interrupted him with a pointed finger. “I believe, actually, what I said was that bothering my siblings is my favorite thing to do.”
“Sul,” Blake said, same tone and everything that Noah just used on me.
Fuck.
