Grabbing my phone, I decided to send one more text.
Oh, and I also invited Ellie.
BLAKE: Oh, wow.
NATALIE: So you felt it, too?
What?
NATALIE: Some kind of cosmic shift or something.
NATALIE: I think it was the world, like, righting itself again.
BLAKE: Yup. Everything is as it should be again.
When I looked up from my phone, Theo wore a soft grin as he looked between me and Ellie, and something in my chest felt like it just might burst.
Close.
We were close.
Not everything was right, and not everything was as it should be, but we were close. So close I could almost taste it, and I didn’t want to burst my siblings’ bubbles—not right now. Not when I had Ellie tucked next to my side in this booth, her warmth seeping through my thin T-shirt.
A second later, her hand rested on my thigh beneath the table, and I stilled. I hadn’t even realized I’d been bouncing my leg, but she always noticed. The heat of her touch felt like it was melting my jeans off, and I held my breath, not knowing if it was safe to breathe or move or speak, not knowing whether she’d disappear again if I acknowledged her. It seemed safer not to.
Her hand moved down to my knee and then back up, fingers dragging along the inner seam of my jeans, and besides a shudder I couldn’t repress, I remained still, letting her explore. Just like last night, I was afraid to spook her, afraid to tip this careful balance we existed in. Seeing her let go a little as she rode my thigh had nearly been my undoing, but I could tell it had been a big step for her, and I didn’t want to push her too fast.
That didn’t mean it wasn’t a challenge, though. The simplest touch, and my cock was swelling in my jeans. Having her hands on me again was a feeling like no other. My pulse seemed to triple in speed, and my vision grew hazy. The little air that was between us felt thick, like I’d need to slice it to get to her.
Fuck, I wanted Eleanor Summers like I’d never wanted herbefore. I had no idea it was even possible to want her this much. To want hermore. I’d loved her for so long, but lately, every fucking heartbeat in my aching chest called her goddam name, and I could only ignore it for so much longer.
Close, I reminded myself.
We were so close.
And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
five years ago
ELLIE
It had been years, and the pit in my stomach hadn’t stopped growing. I didn’t know how to get it to stop. I felt like I was drowning, waves crashing over me with every attempt to move forward. They jerked me back, over and over and over again.
Until I was stagnant. Stuck.
I needed to do something. Needed to free myself.
Freeus.
Even if the thought pained me like nothing else.
I’d been dreading it for months, but I was graduating this week. I’d waited far too long already, too afraid of saying anything aloud. Too ashamed of my thoughts and the way they tormented me when they shouldn’t.
“I think I might have…changed my mind,” I said first, even though it wasn’t really the truth. My mind had been changed for me, seemingly out of my control. And I hated it. I hated being scared and wishing I wasn’t. Wishing my brain and my body would stop sabotaging everything.
Sully was unfazed as he sat next to me on the couch in his college apartment. He probably thought I was talking about what we were ordering for dinner. “About what?”
“Having kids,” I forced myself to answer.
