She didn’t answer, instead explaining, “I called the nurse line. I told them my symptoms, and they told me just to monitor them for now. If they worsen, I should come in.”
I relaxed a fraction at hearing she’d spoken with a nurse. But I needed to know more. If these symptoms had continued all day, maybe it was time to be seen. Even if they weren’t worse, just persistent. Better to go too early than too late. A few hours was the only timeframe needed to create tragedy. And I couldn’t—no.
“Are you in pain? Are you bleeding still?” The questions spilled from my lips in a dizzying rush that wasn’t made any better by Ellie’s answering twisted expression. It told me everything I needed to know, even though she seemed reluctant to say morealoud. My stomach lurched as I continued to search her face. “Did you end up taking the Lovenox this morning?”
That was one of my biggest worries—that any bleeding was a side effect of the blood thinner she’d been prescribed. I had no idea if it worked like that, but it felt logical to me. Thankfully, though, Ellie shook her head, and my knees felt weak with relief.
“Okay.” I nodded. “And you told the nurse about your medical history?”
“I—” Her brows scrunched together, as though she couldn’t remember. “I—well, no, but I—” She paused again, thinking hard. As hard as my heart was pounding in my chest. “Well, I think they pulled up my charts, so…”
I could see the moment anxiety flared in her eyes, as realization settled in that maybe there had been a miscommunication.
My breath hitched at the thought.
That something was missed.
That something mighthappento her.
Because I’d been reading. I’d been reading things I should have read when I was in college, about clots and women’s health and pregnancy. Things I should have been aware of long before this, that I wasashamedI wasn’t aware of. I hadn’t made the connections—hadn’t followed the trail that linked her lungs and blood and heart and reproductive health. And her brain. So beautiful, so smart, so wonderful. What had gone on in her brain over the last seven years that I hadn’t realized?
I’d been reading. And I understood now, the full scope of it. How her pregnancy was high-risk, and therefore, so was any miscarriage.
“Maybe I should call back,” she whispered. “Just to check.”
I swallowed, summoning as much control as possible. I wanted so badly to be her calm, but I felt myself slipping. “Eleanor, let me take you to the hospital,” I rasped. “Please.”
Her eyes widened a bit at the shake in my voice.
Please, please, please.
I was begging, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to waste timecalling. I’d beg and beg and beg for her to let me take care of her right now. Let me make sure she was okay. Let me keep her safe and whole. Losing any pieces of Eleanor was unfathomable, and all I wanted to do was cling to whatever I could.
To my astonishment, Ellie nodded.
“Okay,” she agreed. “Okay.”
And then—maybe it was the desperation on my face or the anguish in my voice—but she lifted her arms, like she wanted me to carry her.
And holy hell, that wasallI wanted.
I leaned down to scoop her up, realizing as I did that she was wearing my shirt, an old one I’d forgotten about. Something warmed in my aching chest as Ellie looped her arms around my neck, letting me pull her up and into my arms. I felt her legs wrap around my waist as she clung to me, burying her face in my neck.
For a moment, I stood there, simply holding her. Except there was nothing simple about it.
Because this was my Ellie in my arms. And she was here, and she was home, and these were all the things I’d been thinking that day when she’d told me she was pregnant, and I’d lifted her up, holding her just like I was now.
And I’d never known a high like that one.
And I’d never known a low like this one.
But the one thing I knew—same as that day, with her giggling in my ear—was that we’d do this next part together.
This time, I wasn’t letting go for fucking anything.
This was where she belonged, and I’d fight for that. I’d fight every fucking day until she believed me. Even though I felt like I was in such a deep, dark pit right now, I’d fight my way out of it so I could pull her out, too, and then I’d keep fighting until she stayed. She stayed out, and she stayed here.
I hadn’t realized my hold on Ellie had tightened until her breath hitched and then broke, her exhale skirting my ear.
