Cristiano watches him streak back to join his cousins, his gaze lingering on my son in a way that makes cold sweat break out on my back. Then he nods to me, turns, and walks away across the grass. His capos fall into step behind him, a dark formation moving through the sunny park like shadows.
I watch him go, my heart in my throat.
What does he know? What has he figured out?
Rosa watches too, her face pale, her earlier anger replaced by something closer to fear.
We stay at the park for another hour, but things are strained. Rosa keeps shooting me looks, and I feel the weight of her unspoken judgment pressing down on me like a physical thing.
That evening,I’m stirring pasta sauce on the stove while Leon sprawls on the living room floor, surrounded by his new toys. The T-rex is having an epic battle with a triceratops, complete with sound effects.
Cristiano’s flowers fill every surface. The apartment smells like a garden. A cage made of petals.
I watch Leon crash his dinosaurs together and feel the walls closing in. He still doesn’t know who the toys are from, but it hardly matters. Cristiano is building a relationship with my son, each encounter strengthening his presence in our lives.
Mama, can Mr. Montoni come to dinner?
It’s coming. I can feel it coming. And when it does, what do I say?No, sweetheart, that man who seems so nice isn’t allowed in our home because Mama is afraid of him.
Leon would never understand. He’d just know that I took something good away from him.
My phone rings. Rosa. I turn down the heat and answer. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She sounds tired. “I wanted to talk about earlier. The things I said about Cristiano at the park.”
My hand tightens on the phone.
There’s a pause. “If you say Cristiano didn’t assault you, then I believe you. I saw how upset you looked, and I wanted to say sorry. I can believe you while still not trusting him.”
Some of the tension uncoils in my belly. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“But, Mina, I’m never going to stop believing that he’s dangerous. The way he looks at you and acts around you is not normal.”
This is news to exactly no one, including Cristiano himself. My sister would lose it if she knew that Cristiano had tattoos of my scratches on his back or that we all but had sex yesterday.
“I know he’s not normal. That’s the last thing I need to be reminded about.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking.” Rosa’s voice becomes carefully casual. “Maybe this is a good time to start dating. Get back out there. Meet someone whoisnormal.”
There is nogetting back out there. I used to go out with my friends, and then I had sex with Cristiano and fell pregnant. I tried a few disastrous first dates after Leon was born, but no man wanted a second date after he saw the reality of my life.
“Rosa…” I sigh, tucking my phone against my chin so I can open the packet of dried pasta.
“Remember Danny? Kevin’s friend from work? He asked about you again the other day. He’s nice, Mina. Stable. Has a good job. He’s funny.”
I vaguely recall Danny from Rosa’s birthday party last year. Pleasant face, hairy forearms, average height. He’d made a few jokes that made everyone laugh and talked to me about his fantasy football league.
“I don’t know…”
“Just one date,” Rosa pleads. “I’ll babysit. Tomorrow night.”
My sister seems to be under the impression that all I need to get my mind off Cristiano is to have my head turned by another man. Meanwhile, I’m already unfavorably comparing safe, suburban Danny to sleek, strong, and ruinous Cristiano.
“I don’t think I’m ready for this kind of thing. My wardrobe is so boring. My makeup has expired.”
“I’ll lend you anything you want. What’s the harm? If you don’t like Danny, you never have to see him again. But at least you’ll have tried to give yourself a chance at something normal.”
I think about Cristiano’s mouth between my thighs. His voice whispering,I’ve been dead for five years without you.
