The panic attacks had grown more frequent in the past week.She knew the routine by now, which gave her a false sense of control. Unfortunately, managing the attacks was a different story.
She closed her eyes and focused on gentle-paced breathing, whispering her mantra.
Breathe in, then out for three, two, one. Breathe in, then out for four, five, six.
Gia focused on her feet on the floorboard, grounding herself in the moment. Slowly, the darkness receded. The sound in her ears dulled. Her heart rate steadied.
When she opened her eyes again, the sun broke through the clouds. Thank God for sunglasses—though the sweat beading her forehead betrayed her anxiety. She rummaged in her designer bag for a tissue with trembling hands. The soft cloth mopped up the evidence, but not the deep exhaustion in her bones.
I am so over this day.
She sniffed as despair rolled over her like a wave. The kind that never left. She let the tears fall, fat and hot, splashing onto her lap. She didn’t bother wiping them away.
Eventually, the tears would stop, and she would feel hollow again. A mere husk of a human being.
Getting clean had been the hardest part. When she’d felt like this before, she’d gotten high. It lifted her, made her feel powerful. As if she were on top of the world instead of being dragged under by it. She’d felt happy. Until she didn’t. The crash always followed. Harder, deeper.
Multi-day benders helped avoid the crash, but only temporarily. Eventually, she’d run out of drugs, or she’d need to sober up for a job. She drew a line there. No drugs during work. The strict boundary kept her career alive. Until it didn’t.
“Miss? Are you okay?”
Carson’s voice broke through her thoughts. She turned from the window to see him offering her a box of tissues. Her cheeks flamed in embarrassment. She hadn’t realized he’d noticed.
Sniffing, she took the tissues and murmured her thanks. He nodded silently, saying no more.
Gia sank back into the seat.
Hey, at least I’m still here.
Here, as in still alive. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
Her phone buzzed on the seat next to her. Grabbing it, she saw a text from Minh.
Minh
Kim just called. I’ll get your room ready for you. The kids are excited to see their auntie. See you soon.
A small smile touched her lips. She was thankful, once again, for Kim’s foresight. Minh and her family lived with their parents in the house Gia had grown up in. Her nieces had taken over her old bedroom. It would be cramped, but Minh was clearing space for her. Knowing it was temporary and she would have a private space eased some of her earlier anxiety.
Thank you. See you soon, Gia typed, then tucked her phone away.
She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes.
Maybe with some sleep, things wouldn’t seem so bleak. Maybe.
That was the dangerous thing about getting your hopes up… the higher the climb, the farther the fall.
Two
JAKE
“Iwas just trying to help.”
Jake sighed and sat back in his chair as Marley crossed her gangly arms with a huff, the stubborn set of her jaw unmistakable. At thirteen, the auburn-haired teenager was already far too familiar with trouble.
He stared at her with a mix of frustration and affection. She was a good kid. Misguided, sure, but deep down, she was all heart. Marley didn’t quite understand boundaries yet. Or most folks didn’t appreciate a trespasser, even if the trespassing involved trying to trap the cat who had been skulking around the town mechanic’s parking lot.
“Look, kiddo, I need you to stay out of trouble for a while longer,” Jake said, his voice gentle but firm. “You know they’re looking for any reason to put you into the system.”
