And carrying a secret like this left him in no position for a family, a wife, or love. Dominic gathered his resolve. A moment of weakness in a lady would not do him in. He would keep her safe as she deserved, to ensure she had the best life possible as his duchess––while keeping her at a distance.
I already knew I would never have all that I wanted in this world. To dream of wanting her would be futile. I have no right.
He repeated the words over and over until they echoed in the corners of his mind. They were so loud that he didn’t remember ever falling asleep.
CHAPTER 22
Swallowing her nerves at the sight of the dining room doors, Verity rubbed her hands together and forced herself to keep walking.
She was used to slow mornings since London nights lasted so long. But as she knew Dominic liked to break his fast there, she thought she might attempt to join him this time.
Especially after last night.
Her heart was pounding as she stepped inside, the footman closing the door behind her. Anger and frustration settled low in her fists as she prepared to address the man who had left her last night.
First, Verity recognized the sideboard filled with rich foods that she’d usually have brought to her on a tray. Then she noted the long table and finally the corner where Dominic was reading a newspaper. Her anger dissipated as she stared.
The duke was wearing spectacles.
Such a sight made her breath stutter. Already he was an awfully handsome man. She usually aimed to ignore the fact. But those spectacles were awfully charming and made him appear quite dashing in a wild sort of way. An extra minute was required for her to pull herself together.
“Good morning, Dominic,” Verity said in a forced cheerful voice.
He stiffened. The paper lowered as her husband stared at her. It took a minute for him to rise and offer her a nod. “Good morning, duchess. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Duchess. How… formal.
Whilst praying her eye wasn’t twitching the way it felt it did, Verity nodded. She waved a footman at the side table. “Yes, I thought I might join you this time for breakfast. Although I suppose it’s practically afternoon tea at this hour,” she added on a light note.
So very formal. Just the way he wants it to be. Like nothing happened. Oh, I can play better than that!
His eyes strayed over her hands and shoulders as she put together her plate and then took a seat. Only then did he sit back down, picking up the newspaper again.
Up the paper went between them.
It felt like fire licking her arms as she sat there, still and hardly breathing, wondering if she was really sitting on pins and needles. There was such a dreadful awareness of her behavior last night. So much had been said. So many tears had been shed.
She winced, feeling her anger shift into regret.
How could she have been so emotional? Unease pooled in her stomach; it had been dormant during a deep sleep but returned the moment she was awake and conscious, able to recall the past. All she had wanted to do was hide away for the rest of her life for acting so weak.
“How brave you are,” Elowen was always telling her with admiration.
“You’re so proper, I don’t think anything could crack you,” Octavia would tell her.
“Must you be so much better than the lot of us?” Lucian would complain.
“Do not shame the family name,” was all Cassian ever said.
Staring at her plate of food, Verity knew she wasn’t hungry. Her stomach was clenched tightly in a knot. Trying to move past her fear, she had thought to boldly come down to breakfast and show she was still a proper lady, a proper duchess.
But what was she really doing? Dominic wasn’t looking at her. He had been so… Verity didn’t understand. One moment she had felt his lips delicate against her skin. And in the next moment, he fled.
Was it the tears? My words? What did I do wrong?
Verity knew how to do many things. Play the pianoforte, run a household budget, solve disputes amongst servants, plan menus, and manage her gossip journal. She had a very decent skillset.
Only none of it prepared her to be truthful with herself, let alone another.
