Left alone in that little room with her husband, still being held by him, Helena looked up and found his eyes. She did not say anything, her expression pleading. And in that expression, Sebastian understood what she wanted, what she was owed.
“It was last week when Mr. Ramsay ambushed me,” he began. He held her as he spoke, as if he were afraid he would lose her forever if he let her go. “He found me at the orphanage, which I assumed was done to show me that he knew all about my plans.” He curled his upper lip. “I should never have… I was a fool to listen to him. To give him even the time of day.”
“You were,” she agreed softly, a gentle laugh so he would know she was not angry. “But no sense beating yourself up now.”
He snorted. “He told me that if I did not comply, he would expose you. He would tell everyone about your writing, ensuring that your name was ruined—that my name was tarnished along with it. And while he did not say it outright, he implied that he would ensure the orphanage and the children would suffer.”
“What did he ask for?”
“Your manuscript,” he said, then smiled. “Despite everything, he was rather impressed by it. He knew it was special, and he wanted his own name attached as the author.”
She scoffed. “I suppose that is something.”
“Also…” He grimaced, and she felt him stiffen. “He demanded that I stop you from writing ever again. That I force you to put down the quill, as if I had that sort of power.”
She laughed. “Clearly, he did not know nearly as much about our relationship as he thought.”
“I panicked, Helena…” He spoke with his head bowed, unable to look at her. And his voice was soft and filled with shame. “I handed him the manuscript, and I lied, assuring him that we had spoken and that you had agreed to stop writing.”
Helena pulled back. “You did?”
His shoulders slumped. “But it wasn’t enough. I knew that I could not stop you from writing, and that eventually he would find out. All I could think about was the orphanage and what would happen to the children when he learned of my lie. I wanted to protect them, so I…” He was shaking. “I am so sorry, Helena. It is not an excuse. And I am not trying to make it so. But please know that I was doing the best I could to protect you all.”
Helena looked at her husband. He was an expert liar, a brilliant manipulator. And times were that she would have simply assumed everything he said to be false.
That was no longer the case. She could see it in the tremors racking his body. She could hear it in the crack of his voice.
Finally, he was being real with her. Finally, she saw her husband for who he was.
“Tell me,” she coaxed gently. “Sebastian…” She pulled one hand free, reached under his chin, and forced him to meet her eyes. “Tell me the truth of it. Everything.”
“I knew I could not control you,” he said, his chin quivering. “But I hoped that maybe I could stall—that if Mr. Ramsay believed for long enough that you had quit your writing, I could pass this bill, and the children would be safe. But what would happen after? That was what terrified me. Ramsay knew how much I cared for you, and I couldn’t risk him coming back and using that against me. That he would use you to get to me…” He shuddered. “The only way to protect you was to push you away.”
Helena nodded, having guessed as much by now. “What I overheard you and Lord Ashford speaking about…”
“I planned for it,” he admitted. “I wanted you to hear it. And when you confronted me, I said what I thought I had to, so you would hate me. So that by the time Ramsay realized I had lied to him, you and I would no longer be living together, and he wouldn’t be able to use you to get back at me.”
“Oh, Sebastian…”
“It was wrong of me,” he continued. “It was damn stupid. I should have just told you the truth. I should have trusted you, Helena. I know that. But I was scared. I didn’t want him to hurt you…” He scoffed at himself. “Which is exactly what happened.”
“So, everything you said to me was a lie.”
“Are you surprised?” he sighed. “You might have noticed that I am quite good at lying.”
It all came together at that moment.
Finally, Helena understood why Sebastian acted the way he had. More than that, she finally understood how he truly felt.
For weeks, they had danced around their feelings. For less than two days, they had admitted them and given in. And while it had been just the two days, a fraction of the time they had known one another, it was those two days that Helena focused on.
Maybe she should have been angry. Maybe she should have been upset. Maybe she should have blamed Sebastian for what he had done. But as things stood, she really didn’t care to do so. Nor did she see the point.
As she looked into Sebastian’s eyes, the truth of his words dawned on her.
No more lies. No more confusion. What he had done was stupid and dishonest, but it was done for the right reasons. Because at the end of the day, he cared for her just as he claimed.
Perhaps he even loved her.
