“Yes,” he agreed stoically. “I suppose it can.”
This is a bad idea. A terrible, stupid, insane idea! I know it is. Just as I know that I should quit now before I go too far. Only, I don’t really want to. Not one little bit.
Helena had enjoyed the evening more than she thought possible. And it wasn’t just that Sebastian was no longer overplaying theirromance to a point of absurdity. It wasn’t that the falsity was gone, replaced by a real companionship that felt natural, so they did not need to pretend as they once had. It also had nothing to do with Sebastian allowing her to behave as she wished, drinking without judgment, speaking with her friends, acting like a free woman in ways her parents had never allowed.
What Helena enjoyed most was how her husband had protected her from that woman. The way he swept in, saved her, and then stayed by her side after the fact to not only ensure that she was fine, but to also signal to everyone else that she washis.
Yes, she suspected some of it was for show. But his words afterwards, his assurance that it had nothing to do with their ruse… that was what stuck with her. And that was why she was behaving so freely.
Well, that and the wine she had drunk throughout the evening.
Helena had not meant to drink so much, but without her parents to stop her, she got carried away. Her head was spinning, and when Sebastian said they were leaving, she realized it was a good idea because she was one or two drinks away from embarrassing herself.
Although, with how I am behaving right now, perhaps that assessment is a little optimistic of me.
To the carriage, he led her, helping her inside like a true gentleman. The doors closed, he fell onto the seat across fromher, and she was unable to stop her wicked tongue from wagging in ways that she knew were stupid, but simply could not help.
“Ah, but change is a good thing, no?” she asked, refusing to let the sudden change in his demeanor stop her. “If not, I would be stuck in this carriage with the same man I married two weeks ago.” She shuddered. “A most dreadful prospect.”
He snorted. “Tell me then how you really feel.”
“Do not take it personally,” she laughed and then winked. “I rather like this new husband. Not nearly as arrogant and rude as the last one.”
He rolled his eyes but could not hold back his smile. “Oh, he is. He is just better at hiding it.”
The interior of the carriage was dark, making Sebastian’s face difficult to see properly. But his eyes somehow shone in the shadows, and Helena could see them watching her with growing interest and admiration.
He had looked at her that way before, only it had always been when other people were around. Because he had to do so.
It felt different this time. There were no crowds. No need for falsity. And in those eyes, Helena could sense the very change she was speaking of. She couldfeelit happening.
“Be that as it may, I rather like this new husband,” she purred, albeit not quite as smoothly as she might have liked because the alcohol was making her sway a little. “I hope he isn’t going anywhere.”
“Careful, Duchess,” Sebastian responded with a coy smirk and a flashing of his eyes. “The ton may start to think that you’re falling for your husband with such talk.”
“And what if I were?”
“With no one around to see it?” he said coolly. “What a waste that would be.”
Like a slap across the face, that single line snapped Helena out of her drunken flirtations.
She had been getting carried away, letting the alcohol mix with how she had enjoyed the evening, steering her tongue as her inhibitions lowered, such that she very nearly did something she would not be able to take back.
And while she felt it was the right thing to do, certain that Sebastian was of the same mind, that single statement was like a cold bucket of water being tossed over her drunken body.
He was still playing a game. Still of the mind that their marriage only mattered when people were around to see it. Happy to indulge her for now, but careful to remind her of the real purpose of all this.
And Helena, drunk and stupid, had very nearly forgotten her promise to herself. And she had nearly ruined everything because of it.
Sebastianhas changed, but not nearly as much as I thought. Which is good. I have not changed either; I am merely a little tipsy. Got carried away… not thinking clearly…
She realized how drunk she was then, and how ridiculous she must have looked. So she let out a laugh, waved Sebastian off as if it was all in good fun, and scooted across her seat to look out the carriage window, as if she was happy to pretend that nothing awkward was said between them.
Thankfully, Sebastian did not push their conversation further. But she felt him watching her for the remainder of the ride home, no doubt realizing what she had been saying and where her mind had been.
A shake of the head, a low groan, and an embarrassed grimace as she stared out the window, the world seeming to spin around her, her stomach churning from the drink.
That was too close. Much, much too close. She could not let it happen again.
