thirty
Jamie
“We’lltalkonthephone” and “I’ll call you” and “It was really great to meet you,” along with other similar sentiments, swirled along the breeze as campers hugged and smiled, cried and packed. Normally, big emotions on a vacation would be overkill, but after spending 24/7 with this group, they’d become an extension of family.
Some balanced precariously packed bags, no doubt bigger than they’d come with after spending time with Autumn or Felicia in the craft cabin, making beeswax candles or pressing wildflowers for bookmarks. Memories made here were the kind to stay with a person. Relived over and over each time they brought a friend to visit or when they’d hear a song we’d belted out at karaoke or smelled a burnt marshmallow.
Glad I’d already packed, I was free to roam among the chaos. There was still time to catch Autumn running around, no doubt saying her goodbyes and helping campers with whatever they’d need before heading back to their regular lives. That life stillseemed like something Future Jamie would need to deal with, but Future Jamie was quickly becoming Present Jamie again.
I looked around for Ren and Autumn through the crowded entrance as campers and their families packed their cars. Sure enough, she was there—directing, helping, and doing an on-the-fly secret handshake with one of Grant’s kids once bags were loaded.
Her smile still spread across her cheeks as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Why don’t we have a secret handshake?” I asked.
Autumn’s laugh seemed to burst out of her. It was the sweetest thing. “We were busy doing other things…”
Now it was my turn for my cheeks to blaze. I looked past her to regain myself, distracted by Robert’s and Nancy’s laughter as they chatted with Lamar. It was amazing how quickly the camp staff had ingratiated themselves with Autumn’s parents. I watched a moment as her parents took in the madness that came with today. At least now they knew what camp was and the effect it had on people, and I’d bet now that they’d seen the place, they’d want to visit her more often. Breakfast between the four of us had gone so well, it was clear that all remaining resentments had dissipated.
Talking about our present and future had left more room to understand each other. I wasn’t the class clown they’d probably remembered me as, and they didn’t seem as severe as I’d remembered either.
Catching Autumn’s eye again, I took a deep breath, preparing to… What? Say goodbye? Tell her it was great getting to know her again? That it was even better getting my world rocked by her? Genius. My chest ached at the thought of leaving her behind again. But after I’d laid my cards on the table, after everything we’d been through this week, she wouldn’t let me stay. And there was no way I’d try to take this away from her.
The crowd faded away as her eyes met mine again and she took a step closer to me as if she could feel this pull between us too. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
Autumn smiled at me, bright and reassuring as the sun. I was at a loss for words. What if I didn’t get them back?
“You and Ren heading out?” she asked.
I took another breath. Right,casual. I could do this. “Yep. Meeting here in a couple of minutes.”
Smooth. I tried to make more words happen, but I just got lost in memories of the past week. When she rescued my ax from the lake or when she teetered in yoga and my fingers itched to take her hips in my hands and balance her. I took another step closer, then hesitated, and Autumn’s hand clenched at her side. I should have dipped her into a big, romantic kiss or tried to make her laugh. That was what I should have done. Instead, I took the hand she offered me and shook. She must have seen the confusion across my face because she redirected and patted my forearm.
“Jamie, it was so nice to see you again.” Robert came up beside Autumn and squeezed my shoulder.
I plastered on a mostly genuine smile. The timing of her parents was impeccable as always, and I struggled to keep the exasperation out of my voice. “You too, Robert, Nancy.”
As we hugged, I looked over Nancy’s shoulder to see a torn Autumn. I wanted more than just a friendly goodbye. I wanted to wrap her tightly in my arms. She didn’t look impressed as her dad lingered.
“We’ll see you tomorrow for brunch, honey.”
“Yeah, Dad. That sounds great.” She didn’t even look at him, still maintaining eye contact with me.
Autumn and I stood again, not quite saying goodbye. This was goodbye, though, and I’d be damned if I fucked it up again. I kissed her cheek, and she smiled at me.
We spoke at the same time.
“Can I call you?”
“Let me know you got home okay?”
So that was that.
I gave her a nod and a friendly wave as Ren came up and said goodbye to Autumn, too, starting their own secret handshake.Are you kidding me?She shrugged as if reading my mind. A moment later, I was wrapping my arm around Ren’s shoulder, and we were off.
A few minutes later, on the same winding road headed back to real life, I remembered how I’d been twisted up with excitement and anticipation when we’d first started on this drive, and now I was dreading leaving. A week hadn’t been enough time, and yet it was enough time to change everything.
