If not tonight, then when?
If I had forever, I’d give him all the attention he needed.
I wiped the thought from my mind and told myself to live in the present. Here, I was with him. Now, I had him to myself. Tonight, we’d make a new memory that would hopefully last. Even if that wasn’t what was best for me, it was what I longed for.
Jamie unwrapped the condom and rolled it down his shaft as I held myself up, immobile. He was right there, and I couldn’t make contact. Thankfully, he took over.
He pressed his fingers into my hips and lifted me so that we were lined up before lowering me slowly. I snapped to attention, spreading my thighs to better accommodate him. Jamie let out a low groan when we were flush against each other, and goosebumps dispersed across my skin.
All my senses were heightened. Every touch, every tingle he left in his wake. I loved the way he reached one arm around my back and held me tightly to him. I relished the way he groaned as I deepened our kiss.
It was surreal, a decade later, riding the man who had been all of my firsts. Everything about him felt different and somehow still the same. He kissed my shoulder, and I was transported back to us as teenagers, gentle but rushed, desperate and horny. But now we weren’t breaking any rules. Now we had time, if only for one night. I wasn’t about to waste it.
In these moments, it was easy to forget all the facts and the baggage. How we were about to say goodbye. How this was probably the last time we’d ever be together. It started a fire in me. It caused me to go slower, to envelop him. To savor him.
Our bodies spoke their own language, the words leaving our mouths more timid than before. Moans and whimpers but never promises. And I fought the urge to beg because I wanted those promises. Jamie moved inside me, and I arched, dropping the thought along with one hand to clutch his chest and the other to his lips. He welcomed two fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking them until I was satisfied enough to touch my clit and rub circles. The feeling set me off like a spark. He looked like he was about to go off from that movement alone, but instead of exploding, he arched to drive into me deeper, holding me as if the only thing tethering me to this world was him. I knew in that moment, in different circumstances, if given the chance, he’d never let me go.
That was enough for me to lose myself. He ground up as I rode out the wave of pleasure, unleashing a frisson within me. And when I was almost finished, he gave in himself, clinging to me as he looked deep into my eyes, begging me for something I couldn’t decipher.
I rested against him as I tried to catch my breath, and Jamie ran his hands through my hair, stroking it as though it was precious. As though I was precious. It made me feel dizzy, like I couldn’t tell up from down. And a part of me wondered if I’d been searching all this time for this. This feeling of security. And all I could think was that the wordfallingwas such a relevant word, it hurt.
Or maybe the word I was looking for wasfell.
Isnuggledagainsthischest without thinking and prepared myself for the inevitable pulling away that would occuronce he realized this wasn’t casual hookup behavior. But I wasn’t ready for the moment to end. Sex that amazing felt more like a welcoming or a necessity than a goodbye.
Jamie kept a loose arm around me, palm holding firm against the small of my back as we caught our breath and relaxed into each other.
“That felt…”
“Incredible,” he finished, joyful eyes searching mine.
“Different.” I let the smile touch the corners of my lips as I pressed a kiss into his throat.
“Different?” He tilted his chin down, but I kept my lips on his neck, not meeting the gaze I could feel. “Differentgood,though, right?” His unflinching confidence seemed at odds with his sudden need for reassurance.
“Incredible,” I agreed. “I’ve never had sex like that before.”
Love-infused, intense, and so passionate. Most of my past hookups had been satisfying, but only on a physical level. Sex with Jamie was mind, body, and soul-shattering. Nothing would compete.
“Mm-hmm, damn right.”
Giggling softly, I let my fingers trail up and down his ribs. I knew I’d be exhausted. Tomorrow was going to be one of the busiest days of the year, but stealing a few more minutes in his arms would be worth the extra caffeine I’d consume to make up for it.
“So, what are we going to do now?” he asked.
“Never have sex this good again with anybody else, that’s for sure.” The words fell out of my mouth without thinking.
Jamie tightened his hold on me. I let myself savor the warmth, his spicy scent, and all the safety he wrapped me in. Was this feeling what Sawyer meant when they talked about being completely present? No thoughts of the past or the future? It felt too good, being in the here and now with Jamie Davis.
“We could do this, you know,” he started.
This time, I did look up at him. “Again? We just—”
“No, although, very, very, tempting.” He punctuated each “very” with a kiss to my forehead and then my nose, making me smile. “But I meanthis, you and me.”
I paused and took a breath. “We couldwhat?”
“Seattle isn’t that far, I could visit.” It was a tempting thought, one I’d almost entertained a few times, but it wouldn’t be enough.
