When he started to walk again, Kira joined him only because her body needed to move, and he disoriented her. Nothing about him made any sense. Nothing.
“Why—”
“The premises are guarded and secure.” He opened the glass door and nodded for her to pass through to the stone courtyard. “Go outside whenever you want.”
Bright anger clouded her view except for his stupid straight shoulders and the back of his equally stupid head.
Hanging electric lanterns lit their path while Zayne discussed the gardens, the pavilion, and a dozen areas of the yard she didn't care about right now. All of it insulted her, in fact, because so many people in this empire fought just to warm their homes, and she spotted the dark, glistening waters of a private lake down the sloping hill.
Zayne spilled more words than she ever heard him speak while he reviewed all his precious rules and lectured her about where she may spend her time. Kira hardly heard a word of it, until she noticed they turned toward the woods. The heat of his breath the first time he threatened her washed over her ear.
“You have no idea what I could do to you without anyone knowing.”
What if she'd been wrong, and he did order Dr. Cooper to hurt her? Now he led her to the woods at night, far away from the only person who might stop him.
Those shoulders of his looked very different as she walked behind him, with fear edging out the frustration. Dr. Cooper said Zayne slammed him against the wall. Well, she heard it all the way down from the lobby.
What an impulsive decision to confront him like this.
Her steps slowed. If she ran back toward the house, would Adelle hear her scream before he dragged her into the woods?
Zayne must have heard her stop because he stopped and faced her. “The trees are dense enough here to block drones and surveillance equipment.” His eyes scanned the skeleton of winter branches above them. He slid one hand into his pocket. “My father doesn't want cameras in the house, but you should never trust walls in Ciondo, no matter how certain you are.”
A warning? He flipped his attitude so severely she felt like she crashed into a wall repeatedly.
“I can talk to you out here, but only when I say it's safe,” he said. “Never assume.”
What frightened her minutes before—being truly alone with Zayne—now opened a hint of hope. And it hurt to feel because he kept eviscerating that hope whenever it crept into her heart.
“We're alone,” Kira said. “Truly alone.”
Zayne nodded. “The Phaedra told me to walk back what I said to you about the tank.”
Oh, so that was the truth. If not for his orders, he was content to lie to her and let her believe he had her tortured. Her hands clenched.
“I didn't want to talk inside the house, though,” Zayne said. “Just in case.”
All these secrets.
“You're exhausting,” Kira said, not sure which of her raging emotions won this time, only that she wanted to melt into the ground. “At least I understand why Dr. Cooper acted the way he did. What are you doing?”
Without anyone watching, she expected Zayne's body to coil with anger and for his voice to lower in menace. Out here, he didn't need to hide how much he hated her for the cameras—if he did hate her. Kira was lost in his mess of a head.
Zayne didn't look angry, though. Sadness tinged his voice and his shoulders weren't as straight as normal. “I'm fucking up. That's what I'm doing.”
It may take this moment echoing in her mind for days for her to grasp that he volunteered that to her. Still reeling from what he said, Kira wasn't prepared when he met her eyes and didn't look away. The moonlight darkened his irises.
“I'm sorry,” he said, his apology sincere this time.
Wild heartbeats competed with his quiet voice. Kira sensed his need to look away, and yet he didn't. Neither did she.
“I made decisions for you,” he said. “I tried to manipulate you just like everyone else. I abandoned you alone in a prison cell, and I was wrong.”
Relief soothed her that in his own messed up way, he tried to protect her, but she resented what he did to her. Her heart yearned to tell him that she forgave him and understood, because Kira forgave too easily, and because she doubted Zayne apologized often. But she trained herself to stop making excuses for people. This apology felt miraculous to her because he was so stubborn, but Zayne only said all this after she confronted him.
This fight wasn't over. He may fall back into the exact behavior he apologized for.
“I thought I was going to die.” Talking about it ripped the bandage from her raw wound while it was still too fresh. The horror convinced her she never actuallyescaped. “You know what that's like, but you hit me anyway. I'm not safer. Just hurt. So, I hope you don't stop at feeling guilty. I hope you do better.”
