Kira staved off that jealousy lately, but it satisfied a part of her that felt vain and small to hear him say he never wanted her. “So, what does that really mean?” Had Zayne even considered that yet? Or was he so bent on breaking her out of prison that he didn't think about the mess he made for the future?
He shook his head. “It doesn't matter.”
But it did. It mattered so much. So much that Kira couldn't get the question to leave her lips. She was too afraid of how much it might hurt to hear the answer.
“I never should have been with her,” Zayne said. “I found a wife the Phaedra liked, and that was foolish. But right now, it’s helping us escape. The Phaedra feels like he won and he’s in control of me.”
“The consequences, though.”
“Tomorrow doesn’t exist. Only tonight. Only you and your freedom. I care nothing for consequences. Nothing for the future. Not until you’re safe. If something gives me the slightest chance of improving your odds, I’ll do it, even if it damns my soul. You matter. Just you and the life you’ll seize. Marrying Mellie pleased the Phaedra and lowered his suspicions. That’s all I care about.”
Tears pooled in her eyes. He’d give everything to set her free, wouldn’t he? But the future did exist and tomorrow was coming. Kira didn’t want to be his reason to hurt anyone or to make choices he hated.
Zayne never thought about himself or what he wanted. What a terrible way to live. “Don't do that anymore. “Don't live a life you hate.”
“That part doesn't scare you? Living after this?” He looked at her. “You're worried about tonight, but what about once you're free?”
“It's scary, but I'm ready to be free. I suppose it's the opposite for us. So you'll get me through tonight, and I'll help you with the next part.” Right? Marrying Mellie didn't mean they'd never see each other again. He couldn't abandon her.
Zayne's eyes lowered, and Kira's heart sank.
Her voice came out so quietly. “Why do you look like that?”
He checked his watch, obviously looking for an escape.
“Just say it,” Kira said.
Guilt shadowed his face. “The Phaedra will come after me with everything he has. It's not safe.”
A jilted cry fell from her lips. “Are you serious?” He didn't need a wife to keep himself away from her when he had the permanent threat of the Phaedra looming over them. He never planned on giving them a chance to see what could happen without these prison walls between them. He was carrying them with him. Those walls and a wife he didn't want.
“We're doing all of this so you'll be free,” Zayne said.
“We're saving the Followers.”
The look he gave her made her think that was not the priority for him. And yet he didn't want to be near her?
Kira's stomach hurt. “Even after abandoning your country and your emperor, in the freedom of the territories, you'll still run away.” Her lips pinched. “There will always be a reason. Always.”
“Look at this empire.” He stretched his hand out and then brought it to his chest. “Look at me. If there's any hope of freedom for you, then you can't be anywhere near me.”
“But you'll watch over me, just like before. I won't see you. I won't know you're there. You'll protect me while I have no idea how you are.”
“Even if I'm dead, I'll still protect you. Never for a moment will you be alone. All I have to give is yours.”
“All you have except the only thing I want.” Kira sucked in a shuddering breath. “Don't you know I need to protect you too?”
“If you're safe, then I'm good. If you're happy, I'm well. Live your life and forget about me.”
Fool of a man. “I can't. I tried for three years to forget about a single night with you. How will I ever forget all this? I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Run as far as you can, but I'll always be watching for you. I'm not leaving. Not now, not ever.”
“He will never let me go.” His eyes looked so haunted. “I'm the most dangerous place you can be.”
Slow steps carried her toward him. “Don't trap yourself in his prison out where he can't reach you.”
“I'll try not to, but that doesn't change things for us. I know him. I know he'll wage a war to keep us apart.”
“I'll fight a war for you. I'll fight a war to protect you, and care for you, and know you. To make sure you sleep and your wounds are bandaged. To chase away all that's haunting you. I'll fight a war just to stand beside you.”
