He had to find a way to bring Mom home. She couldn't be gone.
“She'll never forgive me,” Kira said. “They're all dead because of me.”
“No.” Zayne shook his head and cleared his throat. “That's not your fault.”
“It is. I fooled myself into believing there was hope. I didn't do the one thing I could do.”
“None of this is your fault. None of it.” He pleaded with her to listen. “Hate me. Hate the Phaedra. Hate your mom. Hate anyone but yourself because you've done everything right.”
“I could have killed myself, and I didn't.” Dead eyes. Dead voice. Dead spirit. She was a wilted flower. Nothing like the woman who climbed buildings with him despite being terrified of heights. “I let all those people die because I wanted to live.”
“This isn't on you.” He bent, whispering, not sure if she'd hear such quiet words. “I told you I would save you. I told you I would protect them.” The words were the most devastating injury he'd ever dealt himself, but they were true. “I let this happen. Then I did this to you. I covered you in blood.” He gritted his teeth until it felt like his jaw would break. He spoke louder now. “I can never earn your forgiveness. I'm sorry.”
Gentle fingers worked into his hair, kissing his scalp. The opposite of how the Phaedra's felt. “You didn't have a choice.”
“Don't, Kira.” He recoiled at the soft touch wandering through his hair. “Please don't justify what I've done.” Zayne couldn't say more. His mom was dead now because of him. He had all the power in the world, and he'd left these two to fight with no weapons. This happened because of his failures, his cowardice, his stupidity. Kira didn't even know. Wasn't allowed to know. “I chose all the wrong battles.”
When he sat up, the pain in her eyes silenced him. He'd been so full of wrath against himself that he didn't even see it. He didn't see that he was hurting her. Her wound ran so deep that one wrong brush might rip open the strands of flesh left holding her together. One wayward strike from Zayne, and he'd take the last of what she had.
Kira whispered on a sob that destroyed him. “No more blood… Not even yours…”
He almost flattened his face to the ground and begged for forgiveness all over again. Instead, he shook his head, panic ripping open his chest. “No more.”
Zayne wanted to tell her that she had always been right, even when she hadn't said anything. He'd been doing this all wrong.
This time, he would give every single part of himself for one purpose. This time, he wouldn't fail.
Because before, when it was impossible to choose, Zayne made the decisions that led to his mom's death. He made decisions that were now leading to Kira's death.
Zayne had never been fighting for the power to destroy the Phaedra. He'd been fighting for the power to keep himself in submission until he realized that no one ever hurt the Phaedra inside his own house.
The Phaedra didn't fear the dissidence in Zayne because he bowed his knee, and he took his seals. And no matter what damage he caused toying around in the territories, he wore his allegiance etched into his body for the entire world to see.
That would never change like this.
One day, when Zayne took his father's place, he'd be just as powerless and useless as right now. By then, he'd have sucked the life out of so many good people that there'd be nothing left to save, and he'd be too cruel to use any power for good. The Phaedra would always own him, holding Kira's life over him.
Zayne couldn't fight the Phaedra from within the regime.
But he could save Kira.
If he focused only on her. If he made her his single purpose, Zayne could break her free from the Phaedra's prison and let her loose upon the revolution.
As for him, if he survived that, then he might begin to make himself useful. Until then, Zayne was the Phaedra's pawn. A pawn who got his own mother killed.
Though Zayne told Kira none of this, he made a silent promise to her, just like he had the first day they met. He looked into her eyes, into all the good there—so much good that she couldn't see his bad—and he vowed to her with everything inside of himself to fight this war for her. Only for her until she was free.
He'd forge a path of escape for Kira where there was none. He'd force the United to provide them with a skilled pilot, no matter what it cost him. Or them.
Because the truth was, Zayne would abandon everything and everyone for Kira. He lacked the power to protect her in this empire, so fuck it.
Fuck it all.
He'd take her home himself, not to Ashantae, but all the way into the safety of Caspador, and he'd spend the rest of his life making sure no one touched her again. Standing at the Phaedra's side ended with his mother dead, and Kira covered in her blood.
Zayne was leaving Ciondo and never coming back.
He'd burn the empire down to save her.
