Nausea rises in my throat. I force myself to breathe slowly so I don’t hyperventilate. Gregor follows me out the door without being asked. Raking my fingers through my hair, I walk to the far window.
“We tried the Four of Cups,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess your card was stronger than ours.”
I stare out the window and keep my voice low. “I told you I wanted no one else here with her.”
“Excuse me?”
“You brought Worldkeepers here. You showed them the passage into the academy after I had—”
“Are you listening to yourself? Be serious, Clara,” he interrupts. “Didn’t you see her? You think I could’ve handled that on my own?”
“You could’ve tried.”
“I did.” A low snarl rises up the back of his throat. “I had been trying fordayswhile you were locked up there. But I couldn’t do it alone anymore when I found her halfway out the fucking window trying to jump.”
Everything goes so still I hear the blood rushing through my ears.Jump. Arina…My sister…
I look toward the Worldkeepers helplessly.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” Gregor pleads through his frustration. “Maybe if you had let me get extra help to begin with—”
“I know.” I lean against the wall, unable to support myself any longer. I bury my face in my palms and draw a shuddering breath. Should I send her back to be with the Worldkeepers? Have them stay here? I’m not sure. I’ve been trying to handle it all for weeks now, alone, and what do I have to show for it?
Nothing.
I tilt my head back and stare at the ceiling.Pull yourself together, Clara, and stop acting like you’re fifteen and think you know everything and can do everything by yourself.My crew as I knew it is gone. But I can’t take on their roles. I’m not as diplomatic as Twino, as patient as Ren, or as clever as Jura. I’m not as charismatic as Gregor. All I have on my side is power. But that alone is a blunt tool.
You trusted the Hierophant, and it worked out. Sorza, too. The enemy of your enemy is your friend…Take the leap.
Pushing away from the wall, I cross to the Worldkeepers and extend a hand. Even if they get burned down, time and again, I must start building bridges. I either survive with help or die as an island. “I’m Clara. Thank you for looking after my sister while Emilia had control of the academy and I couldn’t get to her. I’d love to discuss what it might look like for you to continue lending a hand, for her sake.”
The two Worldkeepers exchange a glance, and then a slight smile. They shake my hand one at a time, as if they’ve been waiting all along for this to happen.
“I’m Xora. We have a healer, Ferier. He’s very good,” the taller of the two women says. She wears her long, straight black hair slicked into a tight ponytail. Golden studs line her ears, offset against the rich brown of her skin.
“Vacelle,” the other says. She’s fairer skinned, with intricate bright blue tattoos down her left arm in an identical shade as her long, wavy hair. “Ferier is training me, and he’s as good as Xora says. Not a graduate of the academy, but he can use Minor Arcana Ace through Ten with ease. We could bring him to help tend to her. We’ll let Vaduin know and figure it out.”
“Please do.” I nod. And hopefully Sorza gets Thal soon, too…
“And don’t be too hard on him.” Vacelle nods in Gregor’s direction. He stares out the window, no doubt a bit sore following our brief confrontation and exhausted from everything he’s been managing these past few days. “He’s doing his best and is a good man.”
“That we can agree on.” I nod. Curiosity strikes. “How is he with the Worldkeepers?”
“Incredible. He’s committed himself to his test and is making progress finding Silas’s family. I expect he’ll be able to take the vow soon.”
“Good,” I murmur. I’m happy for my friend. But why does it feel like I’m losing yet another person? I sigh, cursing how my heart twists sometimes in ways that my better sense can’t unknot.
Bidding my farewells, I make my way to my room and study the powders from the workshop of the Fool as the night deepens. I wait until the moon is high in the sky and everyone is tucked into bed to ensure there is little chance of accidentally happening upon someone else. It’s not long before I’m through the bridge and coming up to the entrance in his closet.
Chapter 40
The wave of nostalgia that slams into me when I enter Kaelis’s apartments is overwhelming. The pain I endured here has already dulled in my memory. There were many times I resented being here. But now there’s a familiarity to this place that makes me realize his chambers are the only space that’s remained of my old self. The club is long gone, the townhome burned, even Halazar is gone.
But these apartments remain. As warm and welcoming as I’d come to find them. As ostentatious and curio-filled as I remember.
As if summoned by my thoughts, Kaelis emerges from his office.
Our eyes lock. His lips part slightly and his shoulders sag, as if the weight of every trouble has been reduced to little more than a feather. At last, as a breath, he utters, “You finally came. The hour is late. You missed dinner.” He takes a step closer.
