“She told me how Ravin got to her, through Silas, here in the academy.” A truth that absolves Kaelis of any involvement in her capture and imprisonment. I had believed him before—at least, I told myself I did. But hearing it from Arina has removed all doubt.
Kaelis curses under his breath. “Silas…That sniveling worm.”
“Not Silas.” I stop him before he can ready too many insults to cast in the direction of my unlikely friend. Kaelis’s brows arch in surprise.“He…I know what Silas did. But he was also trying to survive for the sake of his family—Ravin captured and tortured them to make Silas do his bidding.”
“You’ll forgive a lot for someone trying to defend their family.” He slowly looks me up and down with a stare that is both appreciative and wary.
“You can hardly be surprised.” The words come out more defensive than intended.
“I suppose I’m not, given what you’ve done for those you deem your family.” Kaelis shifts, knees spreading slightly, long fingers draping over his armrest. Something about the movement stops me short.He looks like a king. So effortless and easy.“Do be careful with that, though. It presents a weakness that could be easily exploited.”
“I know.” I run a hand through my hair. It’s not that I’m unaware of the dangers that this trait of mine poses. But there are some things that I can’t change about myself, despite knowing I should probably try to. Some things, if I’m honest, that Irefuseto change. My love for my family is perhaps the one truly immutable thing about me. If it’s ultimately my undoing, then so be it.
“So you came to me because you heard, from Arina, what happened to her?”
I nod, and the card fragment feels even heavier.Tell him. Ask him,I scream at myself even as he speaks.
“Should I take this to mean you finally no longer doubt me? That you believe I had no knowledge of her presence in Halazar?” There’s a harshness to his tone that I’ve long learned is his method of protecting himself. His anger is a shield, and beneath it lies hurt—hurt that I didn’t believe him outright, even if he’s not surprised by it. The way he shifts, glancing toward the sconces, taking a bite of his food with a focus he usually reserves for his studies, tells me more than his words ever could.
I’m not quite sure when it happened, because it happened without trying, but I can read him as deftly as I can a tarot spread.
I want to tell him I don’t. To dispel my hesitation about him forgood. I’ve tried to go back and forth for so long—to be half in and half out of our relationship. To fulfill my want of being near him while also managing to keep him at arm’s length. To be skeptical of him while also putting my faith in him.
But one thing remains…One thing that holds me back from giving him all my trust. I resist touching the reversed card piece in my pocket.Ask him.
Instead, I say, “I couldn’t want to come to you for comfort?”
He freezes and stares at me like I’m some kind of ill-omen reading. “You would find comfort in my presence?”
“Forced obliviousness doesn’t suit you, Kaelis.” I reach out and place my hand on his like I could cross this gap that I still feel between us despite everything. There’s only one way to bridge the last of the space between us. “May I ask you something?”
“Anything.” He doesn’t mean that, even if he thinks he does.
The rumors of Clan Hermit say that it was destroyed by a reversed card—one Kaelis wielded. But no one knows the truth. Even if it was a reversed card, it could’ve just as easily been an accident…
Every time Clan Hermit has ever come up, Kaelis shuts down. Every time the topic is broached, I feel his anger, palpable and pulsating. But I must know what happened that day, and whatever he says is going to make all the difference. A catastrophic accident—while still horrifying—is different from annihilating a clan in cold blood.
“Once a card has reversed, do you think there’s any way to save it?” The words feel like stepping into the Blood Forests. The monsters are hidden among the metaphorical trees and all it takes is one wrong step to be my end.
“Why do you ask?” His tone is so cautious. Anything about reversed cards and he’s instantly on edge.
Tell him the truth.If this is going to be anything real, I know I must. Yet a sudden terror grips my throat and keeps the words inside. These rooms, this man—they’re the last cornerstones of a place that feels like home. Do I dare risk losing it, too, after everything else? Can I notshamelessly cling to one thing for myself? One indulgence that makes the world a little more bearable?
“Jura.”It’s not a lie, but…it’s an easier place to start. Approach with caution.
His shoulders relax instantly. “There was nothing you could’ve done.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” I take a bite of food, but it’s little more than gravel and ash on my tongue. “What if…what if there’s a whole subset of magic that we’re ignoring, and people are dying because we refuse to explore it as a potential?”
“Clara.” The way he says my name is firm, and it draws my eyes back to him. “There is nothing good that will come of exploring reversed cards. They are dangerous. That is all that needs to be known.”
Don’t ask more.That’s what he’s telling me. Is it shame that is simmering beneath the surface? Or is it anger? Or, perhaps, fear?
“Did you ever research them?”
“Of course,” he admits with an ease that gives me hope that I’m creating a necessary opening after all. “I am nothing if not a scholar.”
“And you found nothing?”
