A sad smile lifts her lips. “Now that’s a hoop I could’ve jumped through for her.”
I frown. “I didn’t realize there were any hoops too high for you.”
“Well, unless I wake up tomorrow with hitherto undiscovered athletic prowess or a penis, I think I’m sort of destined to be a disappointment for both my parents. Or at least an oddity.”
My eyebrows team up with my frown to make a scowl. “You’re not an oddity.”
“My small army of zombie plush toys would suggest otherwise.”
“You’re not a disappointment either,” I say, my blood heating.
“I appreciate the reassurance, but none of my parental baggage is relevant to this conversation. I didn’t mean to shock you with my childhood wounds.”
“Trust me, there’s nothing you could say that would shock me,” I mutter without thinking.
There’s a stretch of silence, and when I glance up at her, she’s staring at me like she’s just seen the outline of a sea monster glide beneath the ice we’re standing on. Trying to pivot, I say, “So, since they’re clearly not a safe harbor or even a wet cardboard box, who did you rely on growing up?”
At my barely civil tone, she looks away but doesn’t contradict me. “I think I’ve mentioned my best friend—”
“Sofia.”
“Right,” she says, seeming surprised that I remembered her name. “Well, her family—” She stops for a beat and bites her lips together. It’s a moment before she can continue. “They kind of raised me?” she says unsteadily.
“And are they okay?” I ask, trying not to become visibly upset that she needed to be taken care of by her best friend’s family.
Her eyebrows scrunch together. “Not really. No. Last night I found out that Sofia’s dad moved out. Her parents are separating because, apparently, he’s been emotionally abusive for years.” Her voice cracks slightly, and without thinking, I grab her hand.
“It’s obviously devastating on that level alone, but I also can’t stop thinking that I should haveknownsomehow.” She wipes a hand beneath her eyes. “How did I never notice anything was wrong while they were suffering for so many years? How could I be so insensitive?”
Her quiet anguish punctures my composure, spilling cold rage toward this man I’ve never met.
“Don’t blame yourself for not seeing it,” I tell her with the conviction of someone who has witnessed countless victims and their loved ones torture themselves with misplaced guilt. “Emotional abuse can be extremely covert, and if no one confided in you about it,it’s probably because they weren’t ready to talk about it. Sofia and her family might only be coming to terms with the truth now.” I close my eyes. “Processing something like that doesn’t come with a road map.”
“You’re right,” she says, voice wobbling. “I know she’s still adjusting, but I gotsoupset that she didn’t tell me sooner. Sofia said she was shielding me, but I can’t stop thinking of how I’ve put her dad on this pedestal all this time. How badly that must have hurt.”
At this, I can’t help interjecting, “Don’t punish yourself for wanting someone to trust and look up to, Gracie. If anything, it sounds like you were being emotionally manipulated, too.”
A tear slips down her cheek. “Yesterday, I never would have believed it. Compared to mine, I always saw Sofia’s parents as having this, you know…” She waves a hand and rolls her eyes. “Fairy-tale love story. They made me believe happily ever after was possible, but now it all just feels like… bullshit.”
Her voice is so bleak, I’m robbed of any words that might comfort her. Last night, her belief in love was broken, and instead of trying to fix it with someone like Henry, she decided to give up hope with someone like me. My heart becomes an anchor in my chest.
“And I know this is so selfish,” she goes on, “but instead of supporting my best friend when I finally had the chance, we had a huge fight. The things we said to each other…”
She covers her mouth with her hand, unable to say more. Instead, she turns toward me and burrows her face into my neck with a quiet sob.
“You were in shock,” I say, holding her closer. “You were in no state to help anyone. I know when the dust settles, you’ll talk with her. You’ll support her however she needs you to.”
She lifts her head to gaze up at me. “I don’t know if I deserve another chance,” she says. “I don’t even know how to begin to fix it.”
At this, I can’t help thinking of Henry and my own selfishness. “For a friendship like that… you have to try.” I brush a tear from her cheekbone. “I know if she gives you the chance, you’ll repair whatever’s broken.”
“And what about what’s broken inside of me, now?” she asks. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to find my soul mate. That one person who’d make a map of my heart.” She shakes her head. “It sounds so stupid to say out loud. You’ve been right all along, Jude. It was just a fantasy.”
“Don’t say that,” I whisper, taking her damp face between my hands and pressing a kiss to her bangs. “If anyone’s heart deserves to be charted, it’s yours, Gracie.”
The words slip from me in a knee-jerk compulsion to comfort her. They’re too honest, but she’s so overcome that she doesn’t register the truth beneath them. That I wish it could be me.
“It’s too risky,” she says, shaking her head as I release her. “It’s why I came here last night.” Her dark eyes lift to mine. “I wanted you to show me how to be happy with just this.”
