“How can I believe you? You charmed Betty into doing what you wanted. You lied to the bartender to get her off your back.”
“That was different—” I start to explain, but she keeps going, ignoring me.
“You told Henry to ask me out! Youpromisedyou wouldn’t kiss me, and then you did it anyway. You said it wouldn’t happen again, but here you are! Touching me in my bedroom! Making it impossible to think, or breathe, or—”
“Only because I can’t fucking stay away from you!” It flies out of me, as reckless as it is honest. Her eyes widen, and I know I should stop, but hours of restless pacing, of beating myself up for being the shittiest friend, and replaying our kiss have frayed me to threads.
“Do you think Ienjoyfeeling completely out of control?” I demand. “That I want to spend all my free time doing wedding chores for your ex? Do you think I want to betray mybest friend?” I ask, shoving a hand through my unkempt hair. “No. But apparently, nothing is too low for me if it means I get to be with you. To breathe the same fucking air as you and hope for some stupid excuse to touch you.” The laugh that emerges from me is unhinged and desperate. “Even the way you glare at me has me up at night, wishing you’d just take it all out on me. Because IknowI can’t have you. But I’d rather be your villain than nothing at all, Gracie.”
Her eyes are wide with shock, but confessing a fraction of what I’ve been trying to repress is such a relief that I can’t begin to regret it. Not yet.
“Jude,” she says, seemingly at a loss. “It’s not that I don’t— That I haven’t thought about—” She stops, gathering herself. “Tonight, I didn’t kiss Henry because I was thinking about you, and it didn’t feel fair to him. But you and I don’twork,” she says, shutting her eyes like she’s been around this merry-go-round from hell as many times as I have. “We want completely different futures for Larkwood. For our personal lives. And while Henry and I might not have… whateverthisis, I promised I’d give him a chance. He wants to find love, and so do I, but we won’t have a future together if I keep ending up like this with you.”
Her words sober me enough to see with eye-watering clarity how selfish I’ve been. Because she’s right—she and Henry deserve to be together, and I’m the fucking guy with the flash cards fromLove Actually, trying to ruin everything. I lift a hand to rub my eyes, too ashamed and wrung out by guilt to look at her.
“God, I’m sorry,” I say quietly. It’s a moment before I can speak again. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but I won’t visit again. Won’t touch you again. You don’t have to worry about me standing in the way,” I swear, forcing myself to meet her gaze. “You and Henry deserve every happiness.”
She gives a short nod, but there’s no relief on her face. “And our deal? Are you still open to having your mind changed about Larkwood?”
My chest constricts. “I’m still planning to get rid of it,” I say heavily. “My mind hasn’t changed, but if you want to keep trying until the wedding, then we can keep going.”
The disappointment radiating off her is palpable, but she nods again. “I know we’re only four weeks away,” she says, “but I want to keep trying to convince you.”
“Okay,” I say, determined to uphold my end of the bargain. “Just text me who we’re meeting next and I’ll be there.”
“Okay,” she says, looking down at her feet. “I’ll walk you out, then.”
With nothing left to say, I follow her out, and there’s a finality to every step. Every burning question I had tonight was answered, but instead of providing any kind of solace, all that’s left behind are scorch marks.
But somehow, they’ll have to be enough.
22GRACIE
Three Weeks Before the Wedding
Gracie:HALP.
Sofia:Bat signal received. What is your emergency?
Gracie:I went on my date with Henry, but then Jude came over and said things.
Sofia:Saying things is the worst. How dare he?
Gracie:I think he might like me in a “not just friends” way.
Sofia:Class, please welcome Gracie. She has a lot to catch up on, but she’s trying her best.
Gracie:SOFIAAAAA
Sofia:When can you come by?
Gracie:Could I come over for Sunday dinner tomorrow? I really need some Morales family love. And Abuela’s sancocho.
Sofia:Sure you don’t want to just grab drinks? There’s this new Dolly Parton–themed bar I’ve been dying to check out.
Gracie:Amazing, but can we please do Sunday dinner this time? I haven’t seen your family in ages.
Sofia:If you insist.
