“What?”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to go.”
His eyes soften, and his fingers move, traveling along the line of my jaw. “I don’t want you to go either. But—”
“I know we need to leave the hotel today,” I say. “I know we’re going to Skye, but when we get there, tonight, stay with me.”
“I—” His forehead creases. “I thought you said—”
“I know.” My pulse speeds up. “But…I’m here. I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I don’t know when I’m going back, but until I do, why can’t we havethis?”
His expression doesn’t change. He remains the same, watching me, no hint of a reaction on his face.
“That is, if you want to do this again,” I say. “If you…I don’t want to assume.”
“No, I—it’s just…what do you mean bythis? Sex?”
I almost flinch.
I don’t know why. That is what we did. What we’ve done before. But that word feels so…clinical. So matter-of-fact.
“Yes,” I say.
He swallows roughly. “That night. What I said about why I couldn’t see you again, it wasn’t a line. I meant it then. And even more now that I know you…”
I hear those words now, an echo, traveling through time.
I don’t know if I can do this again without knowing your name. I don’t know if I can do this again knowing you’re leaving.
“You were fine with last night,” I say.
Jacob’s chest expands, and then he releases a long breath. His voice is painfully sincere when he says, “That’s because I couldn’t stay away.”
“Then don’t. Let us have this.” I’m pleading, and I don’t even care. There’s no pride being bruised. No ego.
Because I can see the conflict on his face—the want mixed with fear. It’s a mirror, a reflection of how I feel.
I rise up on my toes, kissing him softly, and he meets me there, responding in turn.
“Just think about it,” I say, and when I break away, he chases my mouth, drawing me back to him.
It sparks something within me. The smallest glimmer of hope.
“All right,” he says quietly. He kisses me one more time, and then he turns the handle, and I slip out the door.
19
What about Bali?
I frown at my phone.Sure,I type back.Maybe.
None of Natalie’s proposed destinations for next season have moved me, and I know we’re running out of time. The network will want a decision soon.
Deep down, I know the destinations themselves are not the only problem. I’m just…not excited about this next season. We have a good cast. There are a few people that I think will be well suited for each other. There’s potential for not only drama, but also genuine love, and I miss the way that used to make me feel. I miss that strange thrill I always had before filming, my brain buzzing with all the possibilities.
But now…it just feels stale. No matter where we go, or what fresh twists we try to add, it’s all starting to feel the same.
I’m desperate for something new.
