She frowns, a little divot forming under the right corner of her mouth.
I press my thumb to it, lifting her chin. “Everything.”
“Tell me,” she says, and I hear the echoes of what we used to say to each other.
Tell me something, anything, as long as it’s true.
“I want to move,” I say.
Her eyes grow wide, but I continue. “I’m interviewing for a job. At USC. But even if that doesn’t work, I’ll keep looking. I’m tired of being this far from you, and I don’t—”
“But you love Aberdeen,” she says.
“I love you.”
Her brows draw together. “I’m still going to have to travel. Even if you were there with me in L.A., I’d still travel for the show.”
“So it’d be a few months apart here and there, but it would be better than being apart the whole year.” I pause. “I want to build a life with you. And I think we’re ready for that.” I swallow, scared, but sure at the same time. “Don’t you?”
“I—Do you mean it? You wouldn’t mind moving? Because it doesn’t have to be L.A. We can talk about it, find a place that works for both of us. Where you can work. So much of my job is remote when we’re not filming, so I can be almost anywhere. We can—we can talk about it.”
“Okay,” I say, smiling. “Let’s talk about it.” I rub my thumb across her lower lip, loving the sharp inhale she draws. “But later. We’ve only got an hour now.”
We reach our floor, tumbling out into the hallway, already reaching for each other as we unlock our room.
And even when we get inside, even when we start unbuttoning shirts and removing fabric, we keep talking. About the next phase of the show; our upcoming trip to Italy; other places we’ll travel to during filming and afterward for the remainder of my sabbatical year; how it can be a way for us to test-drive new cities, find out where we both want to live.
I think, not for the first time, about how much like James she is. Her love for life, her sense of adventure, her willingness to explore and try new things.
You would have loved her,I say to my best friend. I think my parents would have loved her too.
And later, when we’re out of breath, wrapped up in each other’s arms, I feel euphoric, filled with this sense of possibility. There are a thousand options for the future ahead of us, but I feel at peace, not even the least bit scared. Because every single one of them includes her.
