I grab my stuff and walk out the door, passing Alexa’s office in the hall. Her door’s shut, but her voice is loud and clear from out here. She’s in the middle of a call.
I hesitate for a moment, feeling the slightest twinge of regret that I won’t get to thank her. She and the team put time and effort and energy into formulating their plan, and I’m sure they’ll go on to do great work with Shake. I’ve made my mind up. I’m sure I’ve chosen the right path, but I do wish there was some world where I could have worked with them.
I shake my head, deciding to send Alexa and the team a thank-you via email later.
Right now, there’s somewhere else I have to be.
17
I pull up to the house, put my car in park, and stare out the window.
I haven’t been here in a long time. In fact, it’s been so long I can’t remember the last time I came by for a visit. Maybe when they first moved to Jersey. When my sister and Ritu got this house that’s only a few streets away from my parents’. It’s definitely been years since I visited, but I didn’t know where else to go.
I need to talk to someone. I need to share all the secrets that have been piling up. Iwantto share them. I can’t change the mistakes I made in the past, but I can make different choices going forward.
I can choose to tell my family about Nikhil. About everything.
I’d first thought about calling Ritu, but she’s on a graduation trip backpacking through Europe with her friends for the summer. And it hadn’t felt right to bombard her with the details of her aunt’s messy life. I’d thought about confessing everything to my parents, but the idea had sent me careening down an anxiety spiral. Thatseemed like too much too fast. I needed a baby step, and confiding in my sister felt like it might be just right. Something in between the comfort that talking to Ritu would have been and the terror of talking to my parents.
But my sister and I have never really had a heart-to-heart like this. I’ve never really come to her for advice. We’ve never had that kind of relationship. That distance has always been a little hurtful, but maybe one of us needs to make the first move. Besides, it’s not like I have a lot of other options.
I knock on the door, and smile weakly when my sister answers.
“Hi, Akka.”
“Meena?” She blinks, tying the belt of her night-robe around her. “What are you doing here? What happened? Are you all right?”
The care in her voice, the genuine concern that she has for me sends pinpricks to the corners of my eyes. “No,” I say hoarsely. “I don’t think I am.”
She lets me in, and when we sit on the couch, the words tumble out of me.
“I’m married. And I…I’m in love with him.”
“With Shake?”
“No.”
“Oh, thank god.”
My head rears back in surprise, and my sister grins. “What? No matter what Mom and Dad have been pushing, it’s always been clear the two of you weren’t in love. Not really.”
“Yeah,” I say. I rub my arm absently. “I’m just more surprised that you noticed that about us. Or that you’d care either way.”
Her smile falls a bit. “Of course I’d care, Meena. And I’m glad you didn’t give in to the pressure Mom and Dad have been putting on you and…Wait.” Her eyes grow round. “Did you just say you were married?”
“Yeah.” I let out a half laugh, half sigh. “Maybe we should start there.”
“Yeah, we should.” A loud whistle sounds from the kitchen, and she jumps up from the couch. “I put the kettle on earlier. I was going to make some tea, but it sounds like we need something stronger than that.” She ducks out of the living room, returning minutes later with a pair of mugs and a bottle of amber liquid.
“I haven’t unloaded the dishwasher,” she says, setting the mugs on the coffee table. “So, these will have to do.” She pours some cheap cinnamon-flavored whiskey in each of them and passes one to me before settling into the cushions.
“Why do you even have this?” I ask, pointing at the bottle. My sister’s taste runs more toward a glass of red wine on a Friday night. Maybe a margarita if she’s feeling wild. Fireball is completely out of the norm for her.
She shakes her head. “College leftovers. You don’t want to know all the things we found when we cleaned out Ritu’s dorm. Her roommates were a mess. We threw out most of their stuff, but this one was still sealed, so I figured why waste it?”
“Weird to think that she’s old enough to drink now.”
My sister rolls her eyes. “Tell me about it.”
