“I don’t know if that’s what we’re doing,” I tell Shake. “I don’t knowwhatwe’re doing.”
He goes quiet, and I rush to fill the silence. Because he deserves to know everything. We’d been set on running together in Maryland, and I don’t know if Shake would still want to be with me if that changed.
“And I’m sorry to switch gears like this, but there’s something else you should know. I heard Congresswoman Garcia’s retiring. Not sure if it’s been formally announced and I just didn’t see it since I’ve been down here without power, but—”
“Garcia? From Texas?”
“Yeah. Nikhil’s neighbor mentioned it. She’s actually pretty well connected in local politics. She used to be county judge when I was a kid.”
“Huh. I haven’t seen it announced anywhere.”
“Really? That’s great, actually, because I’ve been thinking about it and this would give me more time to do some research. But maybe when I get back, we could talk about it some more? Maybe even run it by the team and see what they think?”
“Are you…You’re not thinking about this for you, are you? A Texas congressional seat?”
“Yeah, I don’t know. It’s just an idea right now, but I think it’s worth exploring.”
“I don’t…I— Sorry, I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I thought you never wanted to go back to Texas.”
“I didn’t. Not before, but I mean, I’m from here. This is my hometown. I could get a place here and meet residency requirements if I wanted to. And you know how unpredictable these kinds of races can be. I’m not saying it’s not a long shot, but I want to talk about it more. I mean, it’s CongresswomanGarcia’s seat. You know how much her work has meant to me. The changes she advocated for on immigration and refugee policy alone—”
“I get it,” he says. “I can see the appeal. The seat’s a good fit for you. I bet if we ran your policy platform on top of Garcia’s they’d match up exactly. Not to mention, you’d get to run for Congress instead of a state seat. It’s just…I thought you were set on staying in D.C. I thought thatwe’dstay in D.C.”
“I could still do that. If I win, I could travel back and forth, but I can spend most of my time there.”
“Is that even something you want anymore? Is this…” He lets out a rush of air.
“Meena, is this about Nikhil? This newfound interest in Texas and running there? I mean, do you even want to run together anymore? Or get back together? Are you still going through with the divorce?”
The back of my neck prickles. “I am,” I say, not entirely confident in my answer. “This has nothing to do with that.”
“Are you sure? Because…Just think about what you would tell me if I announced I was going to get back together with Geeta.”
“I know, but—”
“Actually, I don’t even have to imagine what you’d say. I remember what you said. You said I deserved more. That I deserved better than someone who would treat me that way. Who’d take me forgranted. You said I deserved a true partner. A real teammate. Someone who understood me and put me first.”
“Yes,” I say, “but what happened between me and Nikhil—it wasn’t the same. And there are things I didn’t know before. Things about Nikhil that I—” I stop midsentence, unsure what I’m even trying to say.
“You deserve that too, Meena,” Shake continues. “A true partner. That’s what we were, and that’s what we can be again. We’re equals. We can be there for each other. We can help each other. Nikhil couldn’t give you that then, and he can’t give you that now.”
“My wanting to run in Texas has nothing to do with Nikhil,” Isay.
Shake scoffs. “Really?”
My temper flares. “Are you sure this isn’t about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You not wanting me to run in Texas? You sure this isn’t about you? About your ego? About the possibility of me running for the U.S. House while you’re running for a Maryland state seat?”
“Please,” he says with a huff. “You think my ego would take a hit about something like that? That I’d have some weird toxic male reaction to my partner running for…what? A position people might consider more prominent than mine? You should know me better than that. And I never said I didn’t want you to run in Texas. It’s just…running for the U.S. House of Representatives is a whole different ball game. State rep would be a part-time gig. You could keep working at your job. If you do this…you realize you’d probably have to quit, right? To campaign in Texas? I’d hardly see you.”
He goes quiet for a moment. “I want to be clear about this. I want to get back together. But if we do that, I’d need us toactuallybe together. I can’t…You know how I was after Geeta, after everythingthat happened. I can’t go back to that, to wondering what my partner’s doing when they’re not around, or worrying about whether their work trip is actually a work trip. I don’t want to be like that again, and if you’re splitting your time between here and Texas…I don’t know, Meena. I’d need to know this is really just about your career and what’s best for you and not about anything else. I’d need to know things with Nikhil are completely final. And not just on paper.”
I let out a breath, my anger slowly deflating. Shake’s not a bad guy, and he’s not wrong. He’s been hurt before, and I’d never want to see him hurt like that again. I’d certainly never want to be the reason for it. Besides, we had agreed on a plan, and I’m the one trying to change it at the last minute. The seats in Maryland are safe bets. The team Shake met with seems on board. I can see the path ahead for us if we got back together. I can see us both continuing down this road, achieving everything we wanted, doing it side by side.
“I hear you,” I tell him. “I do. I’m not saying I have to do this. I just want to explore it.” I rub my arm, suddenly feeling cold. “Maybe we could talk it through some more. After I get back?”
