A shiver travels through me, and I rise on my toes, moving closer to him, not quite sure what I’m doing until his head lowers to meet mine.
“You’d move to Texas,” he murmurs.
“I don’t know,” I say, my words escaping on a breath even as my lips brush against his. “I don’t know.”
Then his mouth captures mine, and I truly don’t know anything. I don’t know anything beyond this room, beyond this place, beyond right now. There’s only the slide of his hands down my back, and the way he pulls me tight against him. The way his mouth opens mine, the taste of him flooding my senses.
Spearmint.
When we’d first met, he’d always chewed cinnamon gum. Spicy and hot. After our first kiss, I’d told him I hadn’t liked the taste of it. He’d switched flavors then, and I guess he never switched back.
I reach for the back of his neck, pulling him closer, and he gasps, ceding control in an instant. I run my hand along his jaw, shivering at the way his stubble pricks against my palm. I tilt his head, moving him exactly how I want him, claiming him the only way I can. I take, and take, andtake,hoarding as much of him as possible, but it’s not enough.
Because this…It’s familiar, but different from all the memories I replay in my mind. It’s real. And somehow it feels new. I’m not satisfied with just a taste. I wantmore.
Slowly, he pulls away, and for a second my mouth chases after his, not ready for this to end. Not ready to let go of him.
“Meena,” Nikhil breathes. “I need…” He lowers his head, resting his forehead against mine. “Tell me there’s no reason that weshouldn’t…tell me there’s no reason we have to stop. Tell me that there’s no one…that there’s nothing—”
A rough, jagged sound escapes him, and my heart beats wildly.
Shake and I aren’t together anymore. I came here wanting to change that. I came here with a plan, but right now, I can’t think. There’s nothing I care about exceptthis.
“Nikhil,” I say, leaning back, letting him see all the want in my eyes. Letting him see all of me. “Take me to bed.”
Joy, bright like the sun, flashes across his face, and he bends down, lifting me, wrapping my legs around him. And just like he’s done so many times before, he carries me out of the guest bedroom and into our room.
12
Nikhil lays me down on the bed, and our clothes come off in smooth, effortless movements. Nothing’s hurried. Nothing’s rushed. We take our time, slowly undoing buttons, shimmying out of pants, raising our shirts over our heads. We watch each other all the while, as if we both need the connection. As if we’re each reassuring the other.You’re still here.This is real. We’re actually doing this.
I toss everything on the floor and lean back, stretching along the bed, sinking into the mattress. Nikhil’s eyes flare with desire and longing, and I reach for him. “You can touch me, Nikhil. Touch me.” I take his hands, lacing his fingers in mine, and tug him toward me.
He settles over me, the dips and hollows of his body slightly different than I remember. The same hard muscles press firmly against me, butmore.There’s more of him now. The contours of his body have changed, just as mine have, and I grieve for a moment, sad that I wasn’t here to feel the gradual change of him. That I didn’t get towitness the day-to-day transformation that took him from the Nikhil I once knew to the man he is today.
The man whose lips are traveling over my neck, his mouth open. He tastes me, and the blunt edges of his teeth bite down on the same sensitive place he always managed to find. The spot he always marked me. He presses harder, and I cry out, my hands rising to his head, holding him fast against me.
But he doesn’t stay in one place. He moves, his mouth skating down and down and down. He parts my legs, and proves that even though it’s been years, he hasn’t forgotten anything. He knows exactly what to do, exactly what I need.
But I want to see him. I want his eyes meeting mine. I want to know he’s with me. I clutch at his shoulders, wordlessly asking him to come back, and he listens.
His mouth returns to mine, and his hands cradle my jaw. Kissing him is lightning, a shock of electricity that crackles through me, but the weight of him, the pressure of his body on top of mine, soothes the singe. In this moment, we’re fire and rain and it’s everything I’ve been missing, everything I’ve beencravingfor all these years.
His hips move, the hard length of him brushing the most sensitive part of me, and I hiss. “Meena, are we—” Nikhil pulls back, the gold in his eyes incandescent. Every part of him burning and alive. “Are you—”
“We’re good,” I say, arching toward him, desperate for contact again. Desperate for his hot skin against mine. “I’m sure. I want this.”
He exhales harshly, and then his palm presses into the mattress beside my head. His other hand reaches for my leg, wrapping it around his waist. We’re so close like this. So close to what we both need, but for some reason, Nikhil’s holding back.
“Do I…Do I need to get a—”
I shake my head, finally understanding the reason for his restraint. “I’m on the pill and I…I’ve been tested since my last time.”
“Okay,” he says. “Right…that’s…” He swallows roughly, the muscles in his throat flexing. “That’s good. I have too, but it’s just…It’s been a long time for me.”
“That’s okay.” I reach for him, kissing him slow, and tender, and sure. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want—”
His fingers tighten around my thigh. “I want,” he says, his voice like gravel, as he brings his mouth back to mine. “I want everything.”
