“I thought I’d come out here and see what was going on. I am tired of the same scenery.”
“I noticed,” she said, feeling her face turning dark. She couldn’t help it; this was so odd.
“Hey, El, I am going to get something to drink. What can I get for you?” Cris asked.
“Whatever you get,” she said. Her brain couldn’t process anything except gratitude toward Cris for intuitively getting thirsty at the right time.
“Okay,” he said, turning. “Gio, do you want anything?”
“No, thanks,” said her father.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Cris said, touching her shoulder before weaving his way through the crowd.
Ellie took a deep breath and faced her father. She knew they weregoing to have to have this talk. It was so hard to be raised by a man who simultaneously acted like he was the only person in the world and also loved his family to bits. There were more excuses and disappointments than she could remember and yet no one talked about any of it. How many times had her mother eaten dinner alone with her and Ben, gone to parent-teacher conferences by herself, or managed whatever crisis was happening all on her own? Ellie hated to see her mother with that sad look on her face when she had to tell one of them for the thousandth time that Dad wasn’t going to make it to whatever recital, concert, game, or party was running a distant second to seven guys trying to throw a yellow ball through a net while not drowning. And just when she and Ben were grown up, Gio finally got the job at USC, and her mother had left her entire family behind to move clear across the country. It had been hard on her, Ellie knew. Now she needed to talk to her dad, really talk to him, but she didn’t have the slightest idea where to start.
“Dad, I—”
“I think I know what you’re going to say,coccinella.”
“You do?”
“Yes. And I think you’re right. Idon’tknow what I am doing. Can you believe that?” He chuckled, but the corners of his mouth didn’t turn up. “At my age? I always thought I would get to this age and know things. Imagine my disappointment.”
“So why are you doing this? Why are you and Mom separating? If neither of you knows what you are doing, why do you want to do it?”
“Because there have been too many years of hurt. I am not the only one who made this decision. Your mother is right to feel the way she does. I made a lot of mistakes, and she is tired of my excuses.”
“But Dad, if you find a way to talk about it, you won’t need excuses. You can tell her how you feel and she will understand you. Mom’s not unreasonable.”Mostly,she thought.
“I think we’re beyond talking.” Gio put his face down. “She has heard me say a lot of words, and I think she’s had enough.”
“Were they the right ones, though? Did you tell her how you feel, Dad? Because there’s a big difference between saying something to get yourself out of trouble and saying what’s really, truly in your heart.”
“Your mother knows. I don’t think it’s enough. I just want her to be happy now.”
“You think she’s going to be happier about not being with the man she’s been with since practically forever? That’s your rationale for breaking up a thirty-four-year-old relationship?” She heard her own voice going up and was glad to see Cris making his way back to her with two bottles of water in his hands. She needed the interruption because the blood in her veins was now jet fuel.
“I’m not Superman,” Gio said, shaking his head. “I failed at that a long time ago.”
“You don’t have to be Superman,” Ellie said, stepping closer to him and grabbing his hand. “You just have to be you. I love you, Papino, despite everything. And I can’t be the only one.” The lump in her throat stopped her from going on. Hot tears sprang into her eyes, and she did not care who saw. Gio looked down again, his nose going red. “Please Daddy, don’t give up. Please try.”
Gio only nodded, his eyes wet. He smiled slightly and squeezed her hand. “You kids have a nice time,” he said, watching Cris edge toward them. He gave a little wave and turned to weave back through the crowd.
Ellie was never so grateful to get on an amusement park ride. Atleast then, latched into their pod on the Ferris wheel, there would be no parents and no divorce, no work and no failure, no questions and no fear. There would be nothing around them but the music, the night sky, and the moonlit sea.
Cris snapped open the cap on the bottle of water and handed it to Ellie, but she didn’t notice. He gently tapped her knee with the bottle.
“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip as the pod began to carry them up.
“You want to talk?”
“Not really,” she said.
“Want to play a game?” It was the first thing that came to mind, though he hadn’t asked her that question in probably fifteen years.
“What kind of game?” she asked. She smiled slightly, though she kept looking out at the water.
“Venti domande.” Cris smiled and cocked an eyebrow in challenge.
