“Were you flirting with our little banker?” Jody asks me.
“He needed the boost,” I reply. “But I promise, literally nothing will ever happen.”
“I mean honestly,” Jody says, “that wouldn’t be the world’s worst one-night stand. He’s probably a very patient lover. He had to be to put up with Paige as long as he did.”
I end up crashing for the night on Jody’s sofa because she doesn’t feel like driving me all the way back to Cobble Hill. She introduces me to her roommate, a lean young grad student withdozens of books on anthropology who owns two chubby cats. Jody tosses me a blanket.
“Extra toothbrushes are in the basket by the sink,” she says. “You can Venmo me for the cost.” As sometimes happens with Jody, I’m not entirely sure whether she’s kidding.
It’s the first time I’ve crashed on anyone’s sofa besides my sister’s in a decade, and for some reason, it makes me happy. I like having friends with no kids. I am enjoying having a break from parenting. I would never change my life with Hannah—me and her, our little team against the world. But this night is a reminder of what it was like when my entire life didn’t belong to someone else. It’s a reminder that I’m still a person.
That may be the worst thing that Nick has taken from me, in the end. By making me into a single parent while he had adventures in L.A. and Georgia, he took away the moments that would remind me that I was still a little bit of the free spirit I used to be.
I think of how Ben talked about feeling boring, like no one wanted him, and I realize I have started to feel that way, too—like the real me is too hidden for anyone to see it. I wonder if Ollie felt that way after his wife left, and if Eliana is currently convincing him that he’s exciting by begging for another chance. I wonder why I still care.
The Garden StateSwing Festival is being held in an old theater complex in Jersey City near the PATH train station to New York City—the kind of place where the shabby gilt drama of a century ago still lingers in the gold paneling and rococo staircases. The festival isn’t just for West Coast Swing: it’s a mix of events for East and West Coast styles, along with dozens of lessons,demonstrations, and social dances. This glorious old decaying building will be hosting several hundred people from around the world over the next three days.
I arrive straight from work on Friday to get dinner with Helen before we pick up our badges and attend the opening night festivities and social dance; Jody has a work function at her nonprofit and won’t be able to join us until later. Helen meets me at the train station dressed in her typical bright colors, with a long, flowing rainbow shirt and bright orange leggings, her silvery hair wrapped up with a matching headband.
“We’re getting Thai food!” she announces emphatically. “I never eat the same cuisine twice in one week.”
Over dinner, she makes me recap everything that’s happened with Ollie so that she can fully appreciate why I am nervous about seeing him again.
“So if I’m getting this right,” she says, “it sounds like he broke your heart, and this weekend he’ll be dancing with his ex-girlfriend who is possibly his girlfriend again?”
“Pretty much. So I’m basically getting my heart stomped in a public forum.”
Helen shakes her head. “You know it’s way juicier than that, my dear.”
“Why?”
Helen leans forward like she’s about to share a fun secret. “Well, you know Eliana left Ollie a few years ago to dance with Connor Yung.”
“Yes, that’s what Ollie said.”
“Well, last month, Connor Yung switched to dancing with Jaana Ahonen, and they’re going to be here this weekend.” Helen smiles conspiratorially. “And Jaana’s former partner Hugo Persson will be here, too, dancing with Sarah Welsh, the woman Connor originally dumped for Eliana.” Helen’s eyes are gleeful.
“How do you even know this stuff?”
“There are dance blogs, and they are delicious.” She points a chopstick at me. “So Connor is facing off against two ex-partners here. I know this is emotionally hard for you, but for the rest of us, the drama is exquisite.”
I laughed. “I thought West Coast Swing was a nice, friendly community.”
“Oh, it is. But Connor is the bad boy. And he’ll probably win this year. Which I won’t mind. He’s gorgeous.”
“I just don’t want to look bad in front of Ollie while he’s dancing with her.”
“You won’t,” Helen says. “You’ve been working hard to improve because you’re trying to win him back. I know Jody is very judgmental about him, but I think it’s romantic.”
“I don’t expect to win him back.”
Helen raises her eyebrows.
“I don’t!” I insist. “The problem is, he doesn’t think I’m worth fighting for. And I’m done with men who don’t think I’m worth fighting for.”
“Well, maybe I’m in no place to give advice, but I think if you want him, go get him.”
“I know what I’m up against. I’ve watched Eliana dance.”
