I am determined not to offer Nick my sofa. Staying under the same roof with him is too much of a temptation, even now. His voice still gives me shivers.
“Not yet.” There’s a pause.
“Well, it’s coming up soon…” My voice is gentle. Not whining. Not threatening.
“I know, but here’s the thing…” And before he says it, I know.
“Oh, come on, Nick.”
“Iwantto be there,” he replies.
“It’s not about wanting or not wanting. Hannah needs someone to watch her while she’s out of school this week, and I have work. These are some of the busiest days of the year for me.”
“I can make it to New York by Wednesday,” he offers, like we’re negotiating.
“Wednesday,” I say flatly.
“And then you’d only need childcare for Monday and Tuesday and maybe Wednesday morning.”
“What am I supposed to do, Nick?”
“I’ll pay for a sitter. Anything you need. Look, the money for this gig is really good. It’s a good band, and the pay is on a whole different level for me, and that means—I know I’m still a month or two behind on child support, but I could pay you back all that, too. And this could lead to a tour. I’m doing this for all of us.”
That’s what he has always said, every time he let me down. And I know it’s sincere, on some level. He is always right on the verge of getting the job that’s going to allow Hannah and me to live a life of luxury, if he just takes this One…Last…Gig.
“I don’t even know if I can find one of our usual sitters at this point,” I tell him. “And I don’t want her to be with a total stranger all day.”
He sighs, like I’m the one being illogical. “Well, other people in New York must have this problem with school vacation, right? Aren’t there camps or something? I’m sure we can figure something out. Look, I’m really sorry, okay? I need to take this because it’s basically an audition for joining the band, but I’ll come up as soon as I can. And I could be there for the entirety of the week after.”
“She’ll have school then.”
“Then I’ll come for a weekend.”
“You know what’s really sad about this?” I let the words hang there for a moment, almost not wanting to say them. “I didn’t even tell her you were coming.”
I can hear the quiet on the other end of the phone. Finally, something has managed to sink in.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is low.
It is my turn to sigh. I’m done with him, and it’s breaking my heart a little. “I’ll try to find a sitter, and I’ll tell you how much it costs.”
Then I hang up the phone and look out the window. Calm. Staycalm, Laura.
Three days later,the doorbell rings.
“You can get it, Hannah!” I say as I exit the kitchen, making it clear that just this once, she is allowed to open our apartment door. Hannah glances at me and then runs to the door of our apartment and throws it wide.
“Tabby!”
Hannah throws her arms around my sister’s shoulders, and Abby lifts her up and spins her around.
“You came here fromCanada?”
Abby is grinning. “Well, I heard there was some kind of New York holiday called ‘Take Hannah to Museums’ week, and I wanted to be here for it.”
I want to hug her, but it’s hard to make myself step closer. It’s hard to go through this again—Abby swooping in to help me when my ex-husband bails. It makes me feel like an idiot every single time, although in this case, it was completely her idea. I called her to brainstorm what I should do, but it didn’t even occur to me to ask her.
“Hey,” I say, more coldly than I mean to, because I feel so humiliated. She’s had Nick’s number since the first time she met him; that makes one of us.
