I pressed on a smile. “Maz won’t steer you wrong.”
“No, I don’t think she will. But—Ardent.” He swallowed thickly and stopped dancing, his face serious. He squeezed my hand. If he wanted to say something else, he didn’t say it, or didn’t know how to, and I couldn’t make him, either. I didn’t know what I wanted him to say, anyway. I just knew that the galaxy was quiet, and my heart sounded so loud, screaming for him to ask me to come along.
But he never asked.
And I never answered.
So we stood in the quiet a moment longer until Dad wandered over, leaning heavily on a cane. His wound had been bandaged up, and he’d dressed down for the party, though he looked so odd in just a linen shirt, trousers, and well-worn boots. Like it was a disguise that didn’t fit him. “Aaaaah, Daughter! Look at you! Still dancing away,” he said warmly. “I was wondering where you two had wandered off to.”
Sian quickly lurched away from me, hands in the air. “I—um—I don’t think we’ve met. Sian.” And he extended a hand.
Dad regarded the hand silently and then took it, maybe alittletoo hard. “Quay. I hear you stowed away on my ship.”
“Um, it was a mutual stowing. Ardent knew about it—and the droids.”
“You stayed in the pantry.”
“It was very cozy.”
“And you helped save theStarfarerand all its passengers.”
“Just a little,” he said hesitantly, clearly worrying that he’d never get his hand back.
Finally, Dad let go, eyebrows set into a serious line.
I rolled my eyes and punched Dad in the shoulder. “Stopit. You’re scaring him.”
Dad cracked and grinned. “Ha!I’ve always wanted to do that.” Then he put a hand on Sian’s shoulder and squeezed it tightly. “Thank you, m’boy. You did good.”
That caught Sian off guard. “Um…it—it was nothing.”
“It wasnotnothing. You helped my daughter. I’ll never forget that. If you ever need a home, you have it here.” And then he pulled Sian into a one-armed hug, something the boyabsolutelyhad not expected, but he melted into it like a child not knowing how much he’d needed it. Then he pulled away quickly and cleared his throat. “I—thank you. Excuse me,” he mumbled, and with one last lingering look at me, he departed from the party and went into the ship, Noola following.
“He’s a good kid,” Dad said. “A bit rough around the edges. But good. I can see what you like in him. Is thathow you did it? You trusted him to have your back while you looked at the sky?”
My throat tightened a little, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Of course Dad knew that I’d astrogated without my having to tell him. I gave a single nod. “It felt—amazing. Like something in me had finally come alive.”
“Because a part of you probably did,” he admitted. “You’re so much like her, it scares me sometimes.”
Tears came to my eyes, and I scrubbed them back. I leaned my head on his shoulder, and we faded into silence again, the soft whisper of the wind through the trees and grass cool on our skin. TheStarfarersat so peacefully in the meadow, tinged green from the reflection of nature around it. The ship had ferried us through so much.
I closed my eyes. There were so many memories on that ship. Happy, buoyant ones.Goodones. Bittersweet ones, too, of Mom in the cockpit, or Mom making caf in the mornings in the galley, or Mom humming as she braided my hair in my room.
“I miss her,” I whispered.
“I do, too, love.”
“But…” I swallowed the trepidation that bubbled up in my throat. I knew what I had to say—and it was a decision I had made somewhere between Coruscantand here. “I can’t stay, Dad. I know you’re afraid that I’ll go off and never come back, too, but…I want to see things. Experience them.” My voice broke, and I bit my bottom lip to keep myself grounded and blinked away the tears. I had thought by now I wouldn’t have any left, but I kept surprising myself in more ways than one. “I want to go out and see if I am made of the same star stuff my mom was.”
“Oh, love.” Dad kissed the top of my head. “I know. I’ve been thinking about that, too. I think she’d want you to go out and see the galaxy. Find out what you’re missing.” He took a deep breath. “As a parent, I want to protect you from everything…but I have to trust that I’ve given you the tools to protect yourself, too. It’s just hard.”
“You have to let me try,” I begged.
He nodded. “I will. And I’ll always be here when you’re missing home. You’ve got stars in your blood. No matter where you are, you’ll always find your way.”
“Even to you? Will I always find a way back to you?”
He hummed, soft and gentle. “I’ll never be far, love. Never.”
