When I tried to get up and help, she jumped away from me. So, I waited until I heard her door close before I moved. Running a hand over my face, I exhaled deeply in frustration. I don’t know what to do or how much more shit I can take, but I need some help. I can’t keep dealing with this alone, or I’mma be the next one going crazy.
11
BABY
Since yesterday,I used every excuse I could think of to avoid this phone call. From washing the dishes, to washing my clothes. Hell, I was so desperate, I asked my auntie if she wanted me to help her cook. She cursed me out for that and ran me outta the kitchen. Right now, I was on the couch, strolling through the same channels for the last thirty minutes. I don’t know why I'm stalling, but the thought of talking to Love made me so nervous, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Auntie came in minutes later and sat right next to me. I looked at her suspiciously, wondering what this was about.
Out of the four of my mama siblings, auntie Misha is my favorite. She was only ten years older than me, and we were a lot alike. She did what she wanted to do with her life, made no excuses, and had no regrets.
Her and mama never seen eye to eye, so she didn’t come around a lot when I was little. She stepped up and took us in when social services wanted to split me and Leah up though, and I'll always be grateful for that.
She started. “You know, I never told you how proud I am for what you did for Leah.”
My gaze softened.
“And I don’t blame you,” she added, crossing her legs. “Shit, I probably would’ve killed his black ass.”
I threw my arms around her waist and squeezed tightly. Even if I was wrong, auntie never would've told me. I loved how she didn’t make me feel bad for my choices and gave me room to make my own mistakes.
“You did what you felt was right.” She leaned back, and gently cradled my face between her hands. “But Baby, life will be so much harder for you now, and you gotta learn how to adjust and just keep pushing forward. Don’t let none of these muthafuckas tell you who you are, you hear me?”
I chuckled, tears in my eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”
She pecked my forehead and moved away. “How’s the job search going?”
She picked up her cigarette from the ashtray while she waited for me to answer.
“It’s hard,” I admitted, getting emotional. “Everybody turned me away. They look at me like I'm nothing.”
“To them, you ain’t nothing. Nothing but a convict,” she pointed out, blowing smoke in the air. “That’s why you need to go back to school and get a degree. That’s the only way you’ll survive out here, Baby. Trust me.”
I nodded, taking in what she was saying.
She used her free hand to grab her phone from the coffee table. “Alright, now call that man back. He sounded fine as hell. She sized me up, a sly grin on her face. “No wonder you scared.”
I scuffed. Ain’t nobody scared of Love, and hearing her talk shit made me wanna prove her wrong. I went to my room for privacy, and closed the door behind me. If I didn’t call him, I knew it was only a matter of time before he called me back, so I might as well get it over with. I hit the dial icon, waiting for him to answer.
“Hello.”
His deep masculine voice blared through the speaker, and I immediately clenched my legs together. He sounded so damn fine!
“Hi,” I squealed out. I could’ve slapped myself for how ridiculous I sounded. “You called for me?”
“Yeah, yesterday,” he noted sarcastically. I heard a noise in the background before the phone went silent, and the sound of a door closing caught my attention. “I wanted to check-in. How’s everything going with you?”
Check-in?Of course he was only doing his job, but it felt like a punch in the gut to hear. Maybe I misunderstood the chemistry between us.
“Good,” I muttered, tryna mask the disappointment in my voice. “Just looking for a job. I’m thinking about enrolling in community college to kill time while I find something.”
I haven’t really decided on the college shit yet, but I do know I want more for myself than this.
“Staying out of trouble, I hope,” he added, and I can practically feel him smiling from the other end.
Even though he couldn’t see me, I nodded my head.
“Of course.”
