Maxwell
I stare at the door Clayton just slammed in my face. That goodbye wasn’t a see you later or let’s try again tomorrow. That goodbye was a final. It was a‘get off my doorstep and never come here again.’’
How am I supposed to walk away after the last month and a half that we’ve had? How do I let go of all of the late night studying, the bike rides, the dinners we shared? The nights that I would drag myself to his dorm after a party and he sat on the bathroom floor with me as I puked out my guts, rubbing my back.
Nothing was ever casual.
It was always supposed to be for me, but somewhere it turned into something real. Now I have this black hole where my heart should be and I don’t know how to fix it.
Leaning against the wall by his door, I slide down to the floor and sit. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I unlock it and dial my mom’s number.
She answers on the third ring. “Hi, Maxy. What’s going on?”
“Mom, I fucked up.”
“What happened?”
“Remember the dare I was telling you about?”
“I swear to god, Maxwell, if you broke that boy's heart..” Her words trail off and I choke on the emotions clogged in my throat.
“I didn’t mean to. I.. I fell for him. I was talking with Mav and Dax, telling them what was going on at the park today. God, we had such a good day. The best day.”
“Okay…”
“Clayton heard me. Heard about the dare.”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“He doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m not sure he believes that I mean the dare doesn’t mean anything. He said I betrayed him.”
“You did,” Mom says. The words are like a punch to the gut.
“What? No.”
“Max, you did betray him. He thought you came around out of the goodness of your heart, but you only went to him because you and your friends were trying to play a prank.”
Fuck. She’s right.
“How do I fix this? I don’t want him to be out of my life. Ineedhim.”
“Give him time, sweetie. It’s still fresh. Leave him alone for a little while.”
“What if he realizes that all the time he spent with me was a waste and that he’s happier without me in his life?”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. He might just realize he doesn’t want a life without you. Give him time.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek. I wasn’t sure there was any left inside of me. The entire way back here with Dax in the back of the Uber was an embarrassing feat.
The one thing I can be grateful for in this situation is that Mav and Dax don’t care that I’m… bisexual? It feels weird to admit that, but admitting that I liked Clayton didn’t feel uncomfortable with them. They nodded and understood. Maybe they had noticed it before I even could.
“Thanks, mom. Love you, night,” I say. She says it back and we hang up.
I lean my head back against the wall for a moment, sucking in a deep breath.
Time to give Clayton space.
Chapter 15
