CHAPTER 1
DEXTER
“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness.”—Chuck Palahniuk,Diary
Eighteen years ago
It was the fourth quarter, the score was 14-7 with less than five minutes on the clock, and Spartan Stadium was bumping.
I could barely hear myself think above the symphony of cheers, chants, and band music. I wasn’t worried, though. We had this one nailed. It was our ball and if I could get it to Serrano, we’d pull away for sure. The Wolverines were always tough, but we’d spotted a few holes in their defense and had happily taken advantage.
“Listen up!” Coach yelled, tapping his clipboard as the offense gathered around him.
I guzzled water, grunting along with my teammates while I scanned the crowd. My whole family was here today—even my dad. That was kinda awesome. He was jazzed about the contract my agent had been bragging about. I mean…yeah, the dream had always been to go pro. It was wild to think it could happen so soon. This time next year, I could be at Ford Field. Probably sitting on the bench, but so what?
“Watch out for number 22. He’s got fresh legs, and I’ve seen this dude play. He’s a freaking beast.” Troy sidled close, interrupting my daydream.
I rolled my eyes. “We got this, man.”
Coach rattled off the play, which was a simple, “Throw the ball to Serrano,” and added a rousing, “Let’s fuckin’ do it!”
We were pumped up, ready for action.
All thoughts of family, future glory, or even getting laid that night were shoved firmly aside as the whistle blew and our center snapped the ball to me. I stayed in the pocket and scanned for Serrano. The guy could run like the wind, but he was kinda short and I couldn’t see him over the throng of giants in the way. My line wasn’t going to hold for long, I had to move…fast.
I twisted to my right, avoiding getting swiped by a tackle, and yes…there he was. Serrano waved wildly at the five-yard line, totally open. Easy money, baby.
I cocked my arm, prepared to launch the ball to the end zone. My elbow was high, my feet were planted, and then?—
Boom!
Nothing.
Darkness.
Complete shutdown.
Later, I’d tell everyone that I didn’t come to until I was in the hospital, but the truth was that for a fleeting moment, I’d been half conscious.
I willed myself to get up, shake it off. I willed my eyes to open, but couldn’t do it. Panic was setting in and I was going under…fast. Everyone was here, rooting for me, counting on me.
My last thought was…I’m fucked. There goes the dream.
Now
Sunlight streamed through the rain-streaked windows,sending a prism across the battered wood table for two. The rainbow hues softened the edges of the manic mood college students carried with them into the campus coffee shop. Their idle chatter buzzed under the hum of alternative music and the hiss of the industrial coffeemaker.
The cacophony was soothing in its own way, and on the plus side, it nearly drowned out the woman at a nearby table engaged in a lively conversation on her phone. Something about wanting to sell her ex’s crappy-ass guitar.
“Do you think I could get a hundred bucks for it? Oh, no. He owes me, honey. eBay, here I come!”
I tuned her out and scanned the parking lot as I sipped my latte. A young mother shook out her umbrella while her two small children splashed in a puddle with gleeful abandon. Their shoes were toast, but Mom didn’t seem concerned. A couple stood in front of a beat-up truck, their arms around each other. An old man shuffled along the sidewalk, his head bent, the belt of his raincoat dragging behind him.
The little vignettes of life playing out in real time made me smile. Or maybe it was finally glimpsing the sun after days of rain. And yeah, I couldn’t help thinking, hoping it was symbolic of something positive on the horizon. I wanted to roll my eyes at the fanciful notion, but I was preoccupied—a normal state for me lately.
Where was she? I was early. On purpose. The drive to Burlington from Wood Hollow had been treacherous. There’d even been a weather advisory. But this was in-person news. I had to look into her eyes and see if this was real.
Other than the weather, everything had gone smoothly today. Meg and Dallas were minding the store, Janey would handle the deliveries, and Silas and Troy had the afternoon flag football practice under control. The field would be a mess, but the kids wouldn’t mind and?—
