“Did I upset you?” he muttered. “I did not mean to. Forgive me. I should not have said what I did.”
Maitland shook her head, picking up her needle and strong silk thread that Lady de Wolfe had provided. “I am not upset,” she lied. “You simply do not understand my situation. It is so easy for you, not having known poverty or unhappiness, to assume I could have simply found another man who would have married a penniless widow. But I assure you, it is not that simple. Not in the least.”
Her hands were still quivering as she lifted them to suture his wound, but he reached out and grasped her hand, stopping her. When she looked at him curiously, his expression was both gentle and kind.
“Ihaveupset you,” he whispered. “And I am very sorry. I was simply… Ihaveknown unhappiness, Mae. The woman I loved perished eight years ago in childbirth, and the life I have led since then has not eased that sorrow. My mother always told me that the right woman would bring me happiness again, but I never believed her until…”
“Untilwhat?”
He squeezed her hand, gently. “Until I met you,” he murmured. “Oh, I know it is foolish. I do not even know you, yet I am telling you I would have married you two years ago. Itisfoolish of me, and far too bold, but I was simply lamenting the misfortune not to have met you before that she-devil came into my life. Truth be told, I think my mother was right. I think you would have made me forget my grief. I would like to think so. I would like to think we could have built a good, stable life together. Had I known you after your husband perished, I would have pursued you and I am very sorry I did not know you then. But I am glad to have met you now.”
With that, he kissed her hand and gently released it, leaving Maitland looking at him with an expression of complete and utter disappointment on her face. His words were like a dagger to her heart. Perhaps she shouldn’t have believed him. Perhaps it was his exhaustion speaking, his emotions running high after a battle. But she swore that she had never heard more sincere words in her life.
Perhaps she believed them only because they were words she had dreamed of hearing.
Feeling elated and devastated at the same time, she returned her focus to his wound. “I am very sorry for your loss,” she said. “Your lady must have been very grand, indeed.”
“She was. You remind me of her in many ways; both caring and compassionate souls.”
Maitland smiled faintly. “That is a very nice thing to say,” she said. Then, she lowered her voice, for his ears only. “And you would not have had to pursue me. I would have let you catch me.”
Thomas was facing forward at that point, breaking out into a massive grin and laughing softly, his head leaning back against the wall as she put the first of several quick stitches into his shoulder.
“You are a treasure, my lady,” he said softly. “And I fear you may be my biggest regret. In fact, when I see Des next, I am going to punch him in the face for not having introduced us sooner.”
“I will hold him for you.”
Thomas continued laughing, even as she put stitch after careful stitch in his shoulder. He turned his head slightly, able to see the top of her head as she bent over him. “Are you truly going to leave me today to go to Edenside?”
“I must, my lord.”
“You will call me Thomas. Or Tommy. Call me what you wish, Mae. I shall answer.”
Maitland slowed her stitches, realizing that when she was done, their conversation would be over. It had been the most meaningful conversation of her life.
“I must go, Thomas,” she murmured. “I am expected.”
He sighed heavily. “I know,” he said. “May I come and visit you, then?”
“For what purpose?”
“To see you, of course.”
“As my friend?” she asked. “As my patron? Because those are the only capacities in which you can visit. Anything else would not be… proper. You are a betrothed man.”
It was a stark reminder of the situation and Thomas was coming to see that she was much more level-headed than he was. He was impulsive, she wasn’t. In truth, he wasn’t surprised. She was a woman of character. He felt rather foolish for what he had said to her, but he wasn’t sorry about it.
Not in the least.
“I wish that I was not,” he mumbled. “I wish more than anything that I was not, but you are correct. It would not be proper. May I explain something to you?”
“Of course.”
He thought carefully of what he wanted to say to her. It might be the only chance he ever had to explain the reality of the situation. “My father made this arrangement,” he said quietly. “It was not of my doing. He thought he was doing what was best for me at the time, but it has since turned into a nightmare. Northumbria misrepresented his daughter, or at the very least, omitted the fact that she was… well, I suppose it does not matter. The fact remains that this is an unpleasant situation for us all, as you have guessed. But I want to make it clear to you that I am not a man of fickle loyalties. I do not treat contracts, women, ormarriages with such disregard. But this is an unusual situation, and an unhappy one. I do not want you to think I am not a man of my word.”
She glanced up at him. “I do not think that. I never have.”
“That is good.” He paused a moment before continuing. “Therefore, if you are agreeable, I will come to see you as both your friend and your patron. I should like to see this charity and all of the wonderful things you are going to do for it.”
