I’m going to kill him.
That thought turned my blood cold. My father. The architect of every fucking ruin in my life. I will tear him apart with my bare hands. It wouldn’t undo any of this, though maybe it would quiet the screaming in my skull long enough for me to breathe again.
“Please…” The word barely made it past my lips. “Please surrender to me. Just once.”
Lina wavered beneath me. I felt it instantly. The instinctive resistance coursing through her body, subtle enough to be missed. Control was stitched into her being as deeply as the roses inked across her skin.
For a second, I thought she would refuse. I fought myself. “Please,” I begged.
Her breath stalled. Then she carefully reached back for my wrist and guided my hand to her throat.
Surrender.
I lost myself in her like a drowning man, hard enough to steal the air from our lungs. Every movement turned frantic almost immediately, desperate in a way I couldn’t control anymore. My body begged where my mouth failed. She took me in like salvation I didn’t deserve.
I couldn’t slow down. Couldn’t fucking stop. All I saw was her. The roses across her back. The slope of her shoulder. Her hair spread across the pillow. My grip bruised her hips as I drove into her harder, chasing something impossible. Forgiveness, maybe. Punishment. Something violent enough to bury this guilt.
You’ll hate me when you know.
My tears disappeared against her skin. I was falling apart so badly that every breath was a struggle.
“Cezar.” Her voice softened around my name. It almost sounded like mercy. She didn’t know she had been keeping me alive.
My lifeline.
A strangled noise escaped me. I covered her mouth, hand shaking against her lips. “Don’t,” I choked out.
She stiffened. “Cezar, what’s wrong?” Her words muffled by my palm.
I couldn’t answer. I kept moving inside her, rougher now. If I stopped everything would cave in. Then I came apart, mybody spasming enough to hurt. And I cried, holding her tightly, knowing now I couldn’t keep her forever.
Her body trembled with mine, and for one horrifyingly beautiful moment, it felt like we were falling apart together. When it was over, the silence was deafening. It was too real.
Lina immediately started turning toward me. “What the fuck is going on?”
I desperately covered her eyes before she could look at me.
She latched onto my wrist instantly. “Cezar?”
Then I kissed her before she could ask anything else. Deep enough to silence her. Deep enough to hide the truth. I had to shield her from me.
The kiss tasted like goodbye.
“I’m sorry, my Petal,” I whispered against her lips, tears soaking her cheeks. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“For what?”
I almost stayed. God, I almost begged her to make me stay. She still clung to me, breathing jagged from moments ago, and every selfish part of me wanted to bury myself back into her and forget the rest of the world existed. But if she looked at me long enough, she would see it, every rotten thing. And some sins couldn’t be forgiven. Better she remembered me like this—her Cezar—than see the monster inside of me.
She reached for me again as I moved back, and I caught the confusion in her voice when she said my name this time. Careful now. Like she still thought she could calm me down if she just understood what was happening.
“What are you doing??”
I didn’t answer. I kissed her one last time instead, pouring everything I couldn’t say into it, stealing it like a thief before forcing myself to stand. The chill hit me immediately as I stumbled away from the bed.
“Cezar.”
I refused to look at her.
