Thisfightingmood.
“You know what? I’ll just order something. By the time you get back from getting clothes at your place, it’ll be here and we can eat and go to bed. You must be tired from all these long days.”
Nesto sighed on the other line and I couldn’t breathe. He’d called me up happy and excited and I’d ruined it by snapping at him. “Sweetheart, I totally fucked up and you are one-hundred-percent right to be cranky if you’ve been waiting on me for over an hour.”
I tried to say something, but he just kept talking, “Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll order a pizza at the place downstairs from me when I stop in to get my stuff. Sound good?” His voice got husky again and I felt so glad to hear him sounding normal.
“Yes. Sounds good.”
“This is better actually, because that way I’ll have more time with you tonight.” I listened with my eyes closed, feeling a flutter of anticipation for whatever sexy and ridiculous thing he would say to get us back to being okay and in love. “I can’t wait to be inside you. I’m going to fuck you so good tonight. I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”
My stomach dipped and I felt a mixture of arousal and debilitating relief. We were fine.
Everything was fine.
“You’re shameless, Ernesto Vasquez.”
Another husky chuckle. “Just with you papí. I’ll see you in thirty.”
I lifted my hand and smiled like he could see me. Aching already to have him near, to touch him.
Nothing ever stayed bad with Nesto.
“See you soon.”
I ended the call determined to do whatever I needed to do to keep us in a good place. I could overlook a little lateness and forgetfulness if I got to have him with me.
“Are we walking over to your man’s truck, so I can get a free burrito? Or are you going to make me pay for lunch again?”
Carmen asked as we walked down to Nesto’s truck after a meeting at Cornell.
I glanced at her as we waited to cross the street, and I couldn’t help but laugh at how serious she looked. “It’s like ten-thirty in the morning, and no, we’re not going over there to get food. Nesto’s driving me to Syracuse today. Remember I told you this week I was going on Wednesday?” I tried to keep my voice upbeat, but things were getting grim with my sister.
“They’ll be transferring Mary to the hospice soon and they needed to run some tests yesterday. Jesse asked me to come today instead.”
“Oh hon, I’m sorry, it must have slipped my mind. You’ve been going on Tuesdays for weeks now, so I just got used to Wednesdays being burrito days.” Her smile was as bleak as this all felt, when she put an arm around my shoulder. “Speaking of which, how are things with Nesto and the restaurant? From what he said when I saw him at the market, things are moving fast. It’s been only like a month since he had the big talk with Sheridan.”
I lifted a shoulder, before answering. “Yeah, I think he was supposed to hear some news about the location soon, but we didn’t get a lot of time to talk last night.”
I tried not to sound too bitter, but it was getting harder to keep a lid on my frustration with Nesto’s lateness.
Carmen’s face changed immediately. “Are things okay with you guys?”
I kept walking, not wanting to get into anything with Carmen while we were on our way to meet with Nesto. She had a hard time keeping things to herself when she had a grievance, and the last thing I needed was a blowout between the only two people I felt like I could even speak to these days.
“It’s just been hectic. Nesto opens the truck seven days a week now, and when he’s not working he’s doing stuff for the deal with Sheridan. I know this all means he’ll be able to stay here for good, but I’m not feeling like I’m getting a lot from him right now.” I felt like a heel for even bringing it up. “It’s not like he’s completely absent. He’s been coming to see Mary with me. And please don’t get into any of this with him, okay? Because there isn’t an issue, and I know he’s trying his best.”
She looked surprised but nodded. “Of course, I would never say anything if you asked me not to.”
I started talking again, hating how I felt.
“I just thought he would relax a bit more about the truck now that things with Sheridan are essentially a done deal, but he’s working three times harder. I don’t think he’s turned down a single offer for work or an invitation to an event. Instead of slowing down, he’s even more driven.” I probably sounded so damn selfish. “I mean we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months, and I know him even coming to the visits with my sister is above and beyond what anyone would do after such a short time. But it’s like he’s doing this one big thing for me and everything else is about the truck.”
Carmen tightened the arm she had around my shoulder. “Hon, have you tried to talk to him? Nesto’s a reasonable man and he’s crazy about you. Maybe he’s not realizing securing a future is making things hard for you now.”
“Yeah, I’ll try. I’m just not sure I’m even entitled to demand more time, you know?”
Carmen stopped and turned, so we were face to face. “Don’t do that. Nesto loves you, and I know he wouldn’t want you to feel like you can’t count on him.”
