“You’re wearing socks, it’s fine.”
“Okay, but just for the record, my people don’t mess with shit that involves hauling forty-pound balls while wearing rented shoes.”
Jude chuckled like I wasn’t being totally serious, and I had to admit I was feeling pretty good about myself.
I liked making Jude Fuller laugh.
Jude
“Okay you’ve swiftly kicked my ass at bowling for a solid hour and now I need to eat.” Nesto’s grin gave him away that even though he really was terrible at bowling, he had fun. Not that he was even trying to learn.
For the most part, the last hour involved me bowling and him finding excuses to touch me. I tried not to get into my head too much about what was going on between us. I knew at some point he would go back to fully focusing on his business,and I would go back to being alone. But for now, I’d enjoy his presence. Anything beyond that felt too perilous to consider at the moment.
“Damn, I know I suck, but you don’t have to look so torn up about it.” I looked over my shoulder at Nesto, and I could tell he knew whatever I’d been thinking about, it wasn’t his bowling.
He was trying to make me laugh. Even after only a couple of times together, Nesto cared enough to know when I needed a distraction or a word to get me out of my head. I shook myself off and tried to get back the lighter mood we’d had just a moment before.
“Well, your bowling is sort of astonishing in its horribleness. I kinda want to keep watching.”
A bark of laughter came out of him, and he pulled me close again. Not for a kiss this time. Just to touch, talking to me as he ran his hands over my arms and shoulders. “Iamhungry though.” He seemed so content just from being with me. “You want to order something here?” He looked up at the clock on the wall behind us, then smiled. “Actually, it’s still early. If you don’t mind waiting like an hour, I can make us something at my place.”
The idea of Nesto cooking for me made my stomach flutter.
I wasn’t the best of cooks. I could follow a recipe, but it wasn’t something I was very good at. But I loved home-cooked meals. It was one of the things that I’d missed the most after having to leave home, and why I was so grateful for dinner at Carmen’s house every week.
I thought of my sister Mary, and the Sunday meals she’d prepared, of my whole family eating together. Then I remembered the last meal I’d had with them and felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I glanced up and saw that Nesto was looking at me worriedly. I felt small and stupid for still getting so upset about things with my family. Theconversation with Carmen from that first day I met Nesto came back to me.
If I wasn’t up for dating, if I didn’t mind being alone, why was I here with him? Why did I keep coming back? Because he was a good man and he looked at me like he wanted me.
Hadn’t I earned the right to have that?
“Jude.” Nesto touched my elbow, his fingers only lightly on me, as if he was afraid to startle me. “We don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. We can?—”
I cut him off because I didn’t want him to think even for a second any of this was about him. “No, actually that sounds great. I don’t usually eat until later, anyway.” The tension in his shoulders relaxed, making my own apprehension subside.
“What do you want me to make for you?”
“Spaghetti and meatballs?” He seemed surprised at the speed and intensity of my answer, and I cringed at my weirdness.
“Okay, I can do that. I actually have a couple of hacks for that. We’ll be eating in no time. Just need to stop by the store to get a few things.”
I nodded as we finished putting on our shoes and returned the bowling ones. “I might have some of the stuff we need at my place. We can just go there, if you don’t mind.”
“Sounds good. So why spaghetti and meatballs?” He asked with a big grin. “You had that answer right at the tip of your tongue.”
I wondered what would happen if I told him about that last Sunday dinner with my family. Would my answer wipe that smile from his face? Would my baggage send him running?
I didn’t want to know that right now.
Ididwant to be here with him, and tonight, I didn’t feel like lecturing myself on all the ways this could go wrong anymore.
I turned to him, letting myself go with the feverish feeling his presence gave me. “It was my favorite when I was kid.”He smiled at that, his eyes shining and curious. I could tell he wanted to know more. Hear about my family,my people, as he would say.
So, I told him.
“My sister made it all the time for Sunday dinner. It just occurred to me it’s been a long time since I had it.” I stopped there and started walking toward the door, not looking back to see if Nesto had more questions.
He caught up with me just as I walked out to the parking lot.
