I even winked to give the whole thing a lighthearted effect. But pursuing something with Nesto felt dangerous to me. Like I would not be able to keep my usual walls up with him. And where was I even going with this line of thinking? I’d seen the guy twice and exchanged maybe twenty words with him, ten of which were me ordering a burrito.
I shook my head and smiled at Carmen again, hoping to get her off this topic. “A man that hot is certainly a lot more than I can take on right now. Nope, I will eat his delicious food, and I will stare at his even more delectable body, but that’s all for me.”
I even attempted another laugh, but it came out like I was in pain. “The dating thing is just not something I do well, so I stay in my lane.”
As we sat down with our food, Carmen started talking again.
“Babe you can’t possibly know if you’re not good at it when you have only ever had one serious relationship, which ended sort of horribly. All I’m saying is to try. You don’t have to be so lonely.”
I lifted my head from unwrapping my burrito with what I knew must have looked like a very brittle smile and powered on.
“Who says I’m lonely?” It’s funny, you said something enough times, and it started sounding like the truth. Even when the words felt like they would choke you. “C’mon, you know I don’t like to talk about this stuff, Carmen.”
I patted her hand, ignoring the frustration on her face. I knew she wanted to see me happy and was convinced a relationship with a man was part of the equation.
But it wasmylife.
“No. Look, Nesto seems nice and is objectively beautiful.Andif you ever let me have a bite of this burrito, we’ll find out if he can actually cook. I have a lot in my life.” I waved my hand around the room. “I have friends, I have a job I love. I’m happy like I am.”
After a few seconds of tense silence Carmen finally relented.
“Okay, I hear you, you’re a grown ass man, and you do whatever you want.”
I gave her a grateful look and grabbed my food, “Thank you. I’m not really interested in a romantic relationship, that’s all.”
“Okay, hon, let’s dig into our burritos and talk about what you can do to get the board eating out of your hands instead.”
I sat up in my chair, nodding. “Now, that’s definitely a conversation I’m open to, as soon as I have a couple of bites of this.”
I inhaled the foil covered bundle. “Smells so good.”
We unwrapped the burritos and took huge bites at the same time. After a few seconds we both moaned.
They were delicious, the rice and beans, the spicy beef, with the sweetness of the plantains and the tangy crunch of the onions were the perfect combination.
Figured. Not only was Nesto physically perfect, but he was also a burrito genius.
“I could probably eat this every day for weeks,” I said through a mouthful of goodness.
Carmen dipped her head in silent agreement as she took another huge bite. For the next few minutes we ate in silence, alternating between bites of burrito and the tostones,which were golden, crispy, and delicious.
I glanced up when Carmen put down her half-eaten burrito and mournfully said, “Please tell me I can go back and try the Lupe on Friday. I already told Ted he could meet us there for lunch.”
I tried to keep a straight face when I saw the look of complete agony on hers. Anyone else would think she was trying to be cute, but I knew she was dead serious. I loved her for being willing to sacrifice herself and not go back for more burritos if I asked her.
“Please, these are too good to let my issues keep us from going back. I’ll just make sure I don’t have any more outbursts.” I pointed at my own burrito. “There’s no way I’m depriving myself of food this amazing.”
If I tried really hard, I could almost convince myself my eagerness for lunch Friday was just about the food.
chapter four
nesto
It’d been a long-ass day.
It was hard to believe I’d only been in Ithaca a little bit over twenty-four hours. After dropping my mom off at home I decided to take a walk, hoping to tire myself out before doing the twenty-minute drive to Trumansburg. I was physically exhausted and emotionally worn out but felt too wired to go back to the studio and get in bed.
I strolled down a quiet street, wishing I could call one of my boys to come out for a quick one, and debrief them on the events of the day. But I was on my own, my best friends were all back in New York City, and I didn’t know anyone of drinking age other than my mom and my uncle and auntie, so I was screwed.
