I hover my thumbs over the screen, apologies raging through me as I try to think of the best way to word this. Excuses, justifications, words of remorse. I could type it all, but…
I don’t want to.
Although this upcoming party is intimidating and this house is loud and I don’t feel like I belong… it hasgotto be better than some tux-wearing, bow-tie event where I’ll mix and mingle with people I don’t even care about just to secure some deal for my parents.
Shaking my head, I do the unthinkable.
I don’t reply.
In fact, you know what?
With a shaking thumb, I push the button on the side of my phone and turn it off.
My heart is pounding, my throat thick as I swallow and slip the phone back into my pocket.
I’ve never done that before.
My parents will be pissed.
But I’m twenty years old! I should be doing fun things with my teammates. I should be going to parties.
I have to make some changes this year.
I have to step out of this prison cell, or I’ll find myself a miserable middle-aged man still kowtowing to my parents’ every whim.
It has to end.
And that starts right now.
My heart has thumped its way up to my throat, and I feel mildly ill as I try to dodge thoughts of how my parents will react when I return home. But I can’t think about that right now. I just need to focus on getting through this party and trying to enjoy myself.
Looking around the room again, I wonder if I can.
I wonder if I’m ever going to find a place on this planet where I actually feel comfortable.
A place I fit.
A place I can call home.
18
MAC
The noise levelin the house escalates as more and more people arrive. I invited everyone on my Nolan U contact list and told them to bring a friend… and they did. Some of them brought three, but I’m all about that shit.
Bring on the chaos.
Bring on the hotties.
My eyes travel over each one as they walk through my front door.
I lean against the wall with my arms crossed, eyeing up what’s on the menu for tonight and deciding who to start with.
There’s the redhead with the freckles. I do love that bright splash of color. She walks into the place, her eyes big and full of awe as she drinks in her lavish surroundings. I’m sure she’d be easy to persuade. She’s so enamored by everything, hooking up with me wouldn’t be a hard sell, but… I don’t know. There’s a sweetness to her I don’t want to touch. She’s with her girlfriends and… yeah, she’s not it.
So my eyes move on.
Sawyer appears beside me, his lips rising at the edges while he thinks the same thing I am:Who’s my hookup gonna be for the night?
