This was happening again.
It wasn’t going to be the last time.
I wasn’t going to lie to myself about that, or to him.
“You’re mine,” he was saying, his hand under my shirt now, cupping my breast through my lace bra. “You’re fuckingmine, you hear me, Maggie?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “Yes, Nash?—”
“Say it.”
“I’m yours.” It came out immediately, without hesitation, without the part of my brain that usually managed things getting any input at all. “I’m yours, I’ve been yours, I?—“
He kissed me again to stop me talking and I didn’t mind.
His hands were everywhere—under my shirt, sliding up my back, pulling me closer like closer was something that was still possible. I had both hands in his hair, against his jaw, I couldn’t decide what I wanted and kept changing my mind and he let me, accommodating every shift without complaint, like he had all the time in the world.
He didn’t. We both knew that. There was a bar full of people twelve feet away and a man at a corner table who was probably starting to wonder where I’d gone.
I didn’t care. For the first time since September I completely, entirely didn’t care.
“I want you to fuck me,” I said, surprising myself with the dirty word. He’d told me to say it…I wanted to be clear, wanted him to know what I wanted from him. “Please—please, Nash?—”
“Fuck, you know I want to,” he said, and he thrust his hips against my stomach…and I felt him so hard in his jeans, straining against the denim. “But I don’t have a condom—didn’t think I’d see you?—”
“I don’t care,” I said, shaking my head. I reached for his belt, undid it with deft fingers, like I’d been running drills on exactly this situation. “I want you inside me. Wanna feel you come inside me. Wantyou?—”
He pulled back, his hands on my arms. “Maggie, look at me.”
I looked at him, bleary-eyed. Stopped going for his belt.
“You know what you’re asking me.”
I took a sharp breath, nodding. “Yes.”
“Tell me,” he pressed. “Say it.”
“I’m asking you to fuck me and I know you don’t have a condom,” I said. “I know what could happen. I want you to put ababy in me. You’re an amazing dad, I want that. I wanna give you another baby, I want to help you with Nell, I want to?—”
He kissed me hard, then, and went for the button of my jeans.
This was happening.
This was happening…and I didn’t have any doubts, IknewI was ready.
He pulled back, turned me, one hand on my hip and the other between my shoulder blades. I met my own eyes in the bathroom mirror…then looked up at him.
I was so sure. It was ridiculous, I shouldn’t have beenthat sure, but I was.
Felt him pull my jeans down just enough that he could get inside…heard him work his own jeans open, pull down the zipper.
I gasped when I felt his cock bare against my pussy…I wassowet.
“You just say the word if you want me to pull out at any point,” he said, his eyes focused steadily on mine…his cock dragging through my arousal. “But if we see this through—if we see this through, and you get pregnant, I’m staying. I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna see you through every fucking second of it, and watch you get round and pretty with my baby, and then I’m gonna raise that child with you and we’re gonna give Nell a baby sibling.”
I looked into his eyes. Curled my fingers around the edge of the sink.
“Please,” I said, not so much as blinking. “Please put a baby in me, Nash.”
