“I’m tired of my house being a hotel.” Her voice was preemptively defensive.
“I know,” Anne said quietly. “I’ve shut it all down. No new reservations, and I’ve canceled the ones that were really far out. I didn’t want to cancel on anyone last minute, so we’ll still have people coming through for another month or so. Is that acceptable?”
“Sure.” Dawn blinked in surprise, pale eyes owlish behind her new glasses.
“I appreciate you letting me rent out the spare rooms for so long.” Anne looked down at the plates that she was washing; she was still up to her elbows in soapy water. “I know it was only meant to be for a summer, and you let me keep going for two.”
“I’m ready to have my house back.”
“I get it. I’ve been looking for a place to rent.”
“That’s not what I meant. You and the kids can stay as long as you’d like.”
“Well, I’m glad you feel that way, because the rental market isgrim.” Anne offered her mother a tired smile. “I’m not in such a rush to get out of here that I’m going to move my kidsinto a moldy shack, and all of the nice places available right now are way out of my price range.”
“What are you going to do for work?”
“I don’t know. But I have some time to figure that out, thanks to you. This bed and breakfast has given me a healthy savings account. I’ll figure something else out… but I wouldn’t mind a rest first. I’d like to spend some more time with the kids. They’re growing up so fast.”
“It’s not easy, letting go of your kids.”
Anne nodded, her eyes back on the breakfast dishes as she rinsed the suds off of one plate after another. Dawn had never had much trouble lettinghergo, as far as she could tell. But she’d had so many other children to occupy her time and attention.
“Well,” Dawn said, still looking a bit off balance, “I’m glad it wasn’t a fight.”
Anne just nodded.
“You’re good at this, Annie. I can see that. I just… need you to do it someplace that isn’t my house.”
“I know. I get it.”
“Okay then.” Dawn stood there a moment longer, peering at her. “Are we okay?”
Anne wiped her hands dry and then turned to hug her mom.
Dawn froze for a moment, surprised. Then, slowly, she put her arms around Anne. They stood like that for a long moment, and Anne felt some of the grief and tension that she carried ebb away.
It humbled Anne to realize how much she still craved a hug from her mom – how badly her inner child still needed that.
Even when shewasa child, Dawn rarely stayed still long enough for a proper hug. She never sat and cuddled. She wasn’tthat kind of mom. Maybe she would have been, if her attention hadn’t been fractured in a dozen different directions.
Maybe not.
Anne had learned not to reach out, because being rebuffed by her own mother was far more painful than keeping her distance. There was a pain in that too, but it was a low ache, easier to endure than the sharp stab of rejection.
Maybe once she had settled a healthier distance away – not in the same house, and not on the mainland, but the easy middle ground of living in her own house somewhere on the island – they would be able to mend things.
Or maybe it would always be this way between them.
In that moment, Anne didn’t have energy to waste on wishing that things were different. Any energy that she had for shoring up relationships, she intended to direct towards her children.
The rift between Anne and Zoe had been a constant source of pain for decades, much worse than anything her mother had inflicted with her near-indiference. Though she had no evidence, she believed that her eldest daughter craved her love just as much as she had always wanted Dawn’s.
Anne had made good progress in repairing their relationship, and she intended to keep working on it. She wanted to spend more time with her other two children as well, and focus on shoring up those relationships while they were still at home with her.
Dawn went back upstairs, and Anne finished cleaning the kitchen.
The house was quiet and still. Zoe was off harvesting avocados on a friend’s farm. Akemi and Kaleo were at the café, putting the finishing touches on the playroom there. Pete was at the community center, and Claire was off hiking with friends.
