“I don’t want just a few stolen moments when they’re at school. I want more time together than that. I want to be a family.”
The hair went up on the back of Laurie’s neck, her body gripped by a deep fear that she didn’t fully understand. She saw him recognize that fear, and – even though he was even more confused than she was – he immediately backed down.
I’m sorry, he signed. “I said I wouldn’t push you.”
She just stared at him, feeling torn. How had their perfect afternoon gone so wrong? She wanted to make things right – she wantedhim– but not at the expense of what she thought was best for her daughter. Never that.
“I told you from the beginning, Laurie. I can’t do this halfway. I don’t know how.”
“I didn’t realize that meant getting our kids involved too.”
Kekoa was silent.
“I need more time,” she told him.
“I gave you a year.”
Laurie flinched.
“Is it me?” he asked. “You don’t trust me?”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Okay.” He opened the driver-side door, got out, and closed it behind him. Through the open window he said, “You tell me when you’ve figured it out.”
She sat there for a moment after he left, trying to get her thoughts and feelings in order.
It wasn’t fair of him, trying to rush her like this.
Butwashe rushing her? They had known each other all their lives. All he’d asked for was a family hike.
He’d waited a full year for her to be ready.
Could she blame him now for not wanting to move at a snail’s pace?
He wanted to bring them all together… to be a family.
And that terrified her.
She was angry at him for ruining a perfect day… and angry at herself, too. But beneath her anger, and truer than her anger, there was grief.
Why couldn’t she just let things be easy?
Why did she always have to overcomplicate everything?
Why was she pushing him away? What was she so afraid of?
If someone had asked her, just after her divorce, whether she ever wanted another man in her life… she would have said no. She loved her life just the way it was. Meaningful work, supportive community, one perfect daughter.
She didn’t need a man.
But shewasin love with one. A good one, at that.
And she didn’t want to lose him.
