“Is everything okay?”She doesn’t sound annoyed like I expected.“I just saw your text.”
“Yeah, I-I just want to see you.One on one.”
She pauses, and I can hear soft voices in the background.I imagine she’s behind her fancy desk at her law office, several blocks away.“Since when is it so urgent to see me?You’ve spent most of the summer avoiding me.”
Her words land like a soft thud against my gut.She’s not wrong.“I wasn’t avoiding you.I’ve just been trying to get back on track.”
“Okaaay.So what about the past ten years?Just trying to get on track then, too?”
Oof.Another blow.I take a deep breath, trying to keep myself calm and neutral.“Well, I was living in Chicago for starters.Living my life.Just like you were living yours here.”
“Right.Well, I’m sorry if I seem surprised.I’ve just never seen you so intent onfamily time.You’ve always breezed through on your way to somewhere else.So when you texted that you want to meet up, I didn’t imagine you actually, you know, cared.”
I sit with that for a couple seconds.Griffin’s words return to me—she might not know she’s even doing it—and I can imagine him beside me, urging me to continue.“I do care.A lot.Maybe you haven’t known that.Maybe I haven’t shown it very well.Like with the maid of honor thing…” I pause, waiting for her to interject, or sigh, or change the subject.“Well, I won’t get into that now.I just want you to know that I care.I want to see you.My big sister is getting married soon and I love you.So…let’s meet up.”
Claire is quiet for a moment and then she sniffs.“I’ll try to move the appointment.No guarantees.Give me ten, okay?”
We hang up, and I’m nibbling on my lip, staring into space.I should take a ten-minute break from checking my view counts, right?Well, I don’t.
Sixty thousand.
Is this what drugs feel like?Because I’m thinking this is what drugs feel like.A deep buzz of excitement travels through me.This feels big, but I can’t exactly say why.I just know that things are changing.In my favor.For potentially the first time in my adult life.
And that is fucking awesome.
My phone buzzes.
CLAIRE: Got it moved.See you at noon at Hi-5s.
Claire is already at our table for two along the wall of windows at Hi-5s.I mostly come here at night for an adult beverage or two—never for lunch.
“Well this is odd, being here in the daylight,” I crack as I approach the table.I give her a quick hug before I slide into the seat facing her.
Silence settles between us.Awkward.Pungent.Heavy.
What have I done?
“You look good,” Claire finally says, reaching for her glass of water.She sips demurely.“You’re, like, glowing.”
“I guess Bayshore agrees with me,” I say.
“Or maybe Griffin agrees with you,” she says with a sly smile.
I tip my head.“He might.”I don’t want to admit how much sex I’ve been having with my we’re-just-friends roommate.Even though that ship sailed the second he found me tangled up in his shower curtain.“It’s been so nice living with him.He’s…incredible, really.”
She smiles softly.“What does he think about you moving back to Chicago after the wedding?”
“Uh, he’s fine with it.We’re not serious.So.You know.”I don’t know what else to add that won’t betray my true feelings about the matter.“He doesn’t say much, and I don’t ask.”
“You’re not serious?Casey, you guys looked like you were two weeks out from your own wedding.”
The words land with a painful thud.Not because she’s wrong or being mean.But because she’sso right.When the entire world sees something, but the people involved reject it, what happens then?
“It’s seriously not-serious, I guess,” I say with a laugh.
Claire watches me for a moment, her eyes twinkling as she moves the straw in her glass back and forth.“You seem different.”
“Good different or bad?”
