“I thought Frank wouldn’t hurt you boys,” Mom said.
“But he did fucking hurt us.” I slammed my fist on the table.
“I know.” Mom flicked a tear from her cheek. “And you have no idea how sorry I am.”
“Sorry? You’re sorry?” My chest felt like it was going to implode. “Sorry is not enough.” I clamped my jaw so tight, my teeth ached.
“I don’t know if you can forgive me.”
“Fuck no.” The words came out like daggers. “How can we forgive you? In twenty fucking years, you couldn’t write just one note? Just one note to let us know you were alive? Rose was in contact with you. She could’ve slipped us a note. One lousy line on a scrap of paper. Anything. Was that too much to fucking ask?”
Mom flinched like I’d slapped her.
Sapphire squeezed my thigh. “Kayden ...”
“No.” I didn’t take my eyes off my mother. “I grew up believing you fucking abandoned us. I was twelve, Mom. Twelve. And you just pissed off. Don’t tell me you didn’t think of me. Of all of us. For twenty fucking years.”
“Oh, Kayden, I thought about you, about all of you, every single day. I wanted to write or call you so many times. But Rose stopped me. And she was right. Rose risked her life to keep in contact with me. If Frank had found any evidence that I was talking to you, to any of you, he would’ve killed Cassidy, and then he would’ve hunted for me and killed my daughter and me, too.”
I spun to Rose, glaring at her. “How did you talk to her? Huh? All this time, Rose. I trusted you, too.”
Rose’s shoulders sagged. “We both have PO boxes. That’s where we sent letters and photos. We couldn’t risk Bob tracking us down.”
“Wow, so you planned this?” I glared at Mom.
“No. God no. I would never have left you if Frank wasn’t such a monster.”
“Exactly, Mom. You left us with a monster.”
“Kayden.” Mitch eyeballed me.
“What? Are you okay with this, Mitch? Oh, of course you are. You fucked off and left us, too.”
Mitch’s jaw flexed. “Yeah. I left because of Frank’s bullshit, too. That bastard ruined us all. But we’re here, and we survived his fucking crap.” He eyeballed me until I looked at him. “Forgiving is hard, but can you accept that Mom had no choice, Kayden?”
I clenched my jaw. I couldn’t answer.
“Kayden, calm down,” Sapphire whispered.
I turned to her. “Why should I?”
“Your mother had to sacrifice everything to save Cassidy and her baby. Think about that.”
“Sapphire’s right,” Declan said. “You would’ve done the same to save Cassidy.”
The anger drained out of me in a flash. Declan was right. I’d kill for Cassidy. I’d die for Mitch and Declan. I’d done plenty of stupid shit over the years for this family, and I’d do plenty more.
If Frank had put Cassidy or any of my brothers in his crosshairs, I’d have done the same as Mom. Run. Hide. Lied for the rest of my life if it kept them breathing.
I let out a long, shaky breath. “Yeah. You’re right, Dec. I would’ve. I still would.”
I looked at my mother, really looked at her, for the first time since she’d walked in. Not the woman who’d abandoned us. The woman who’d been trapped.
Tears spilled down Mom’s cheeks. “I’ve been hurting for twenty years. Every single day.”
We sat in silence with the weight of twenty years pressing down on us. All the birthdays and Christmases that we hadn’t celebrated after she’d left. All the bruises and cuts and broken bones she hadn’t tended to. All the protection we kids needed when Frank’s whiskey had brought on the fists. She’d missed all of it.
Mom stood like she was a hundred years old and walked to the grandfather clock in the corner. The one that had stopped ticking the day she’d left and had sat silent ever since. We’d all tried to fix it over the years. I’d even taken it apart and put it back together. But nothing had worked.
