I grunted and lowered my chin to my chest, closing my eyes. Sergei didn’t understand, of course. He wasn’t the one who was turning a ten-year commitment into something fickle.
“Hey.” I felt his hand on my knee. “Leo, what do you think?”
I cracked my eyes open and turned my head. “About what?”
“Do you think you’re a bad person to be with me so soon?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
“Does this feel wrong?” He squeezed my knee. “You and me?”
I swallowed. “No, it doesn’t. But the fact that it doesn’t just makes me feel worse about the whole situation.”
“You’re probably going to hate me for a while for saying this.” Sergei removed his hand from my knee. “But Brad’s gone. You know how I feel about him, so I won’t pretend otherwise. I think you were way too good for him. Fuck, I think you’re way too good for me. But the fact is, you’re alive, and no one should expect you to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life.”
We drove in silence for a few miles while I was stuck replaying the conversation with Mendez in my mind and all the times I’d noticed staff going quiet around me. Were they all discussing me? I wanted to be upset, but it was natural for them to question my past with Sergei, considering Bradwasn’t gone for two months solid yet, and I was already so deeply involved with another man.
Life’s too short not to take chances again.
Was that what I was doing here? Taking a shot at Sergei being the one, even while plotting against his boss? If he cared about me, he would forgive me for bringing Maxim down, wouldn’t he?
“What are you thinking about now?” he asked.
Don’t bring it up again.
“If you’re in love with someone and they die, do you think there’s an appropriate time to get over them?”
“That’s a loaded question.”
“How so?”
“If you truly love someone, how do you ever get over such a loss?” he said matter-of-factly. “You and me, for example. It’d fucking kill me to lose you. I don’t think I’d ever get over it. Fuck, I might be tempted to join you rather than feel that kind of pain for a lifetime.”
I inhaled sharply and sat up straight. “Sergei, don’t say that!”
“Why not?”
“It’s wrong.”
“Wrong to not want to live without the person who made life worth living?” He intertwined our fingers and held on tight when I tried to pull away. “I don’t know how you love, Leo, but I didn’t spend thirty-five years not knowing what love is to treat it casually. When I chose to give you my heart, I chose to give you all of me.”
I finally untangled our fingers and angled my face toward the window so he didn’t sense how upset his words made me. If I agreed with what he said, then it’d mean that I didn’t love Brad…but I did. I loved him. Didn’t I?
Yes, that’s why you always find him lacking when compared to the way Sergei treats you.
Horrified at the betrayal of my thoughts, I blinked the tears prickling at my eyes rapidly away.
“No, you’re being extreme,” I said softly. “What you’re describing is not love. It’s an obsession.”
“I don’t see the difference. The way I feel about you is what makes me obsess about you.”
“Don’t you see, Sergei? If you truly believe what you say, are you telling me you want me to mourn Brad forever or be with you? Because you’re being confusing.”
“Not at all,” he said with a quiet confidence in his voice that I envied. He sounded so sure about the nonsense spewing from his lips that even I wanted to believe it. “I don’t give a fuck what your relationship was with him. But I am willing to wait.”
“For what?”
“For you to love me enough that if I passed away, there wouldn’t be another man in this world left to satisfy you. Because I know for sure, Leo, there won’t be anyone else after you.”
