“Never should you feel guilty for how you reacted in a situation you’ve never experienced before. We won’t know how we will handle something until it is staring us in the face. You needed space, so you took it. It’s never too late to circle back around and tell your mom everything.”
Finding out about Buck and what he’d been doing behind my back for so long had shattered something in me I didn’t even know could break. I was so young, so easily pulled in by his charm. He was handsome, witty, smooth-talking. I thought I was lucky to have him.
But hindsight was a cruel, revealing thing.
When I looked back now, I could see him clearly. And worse, I started to notice the ways Miles mirrored him.
Confident.
Pushy.
Cocky as hell.
It scared me how easily I had been drawn to that type of man again.
When Buck and I got together, we were both so inexperienced. When your first taste of intimacy, of love, is tangled in manipulation and control…it warps things. Leaves open wounds that never really scab over, not until you’re forced to face them head-on.
That’s what this trip was really about. Not just escape. Not just a distraction.
But healing.
All of this—the worry, the what-ifs, the heartache—could wait until we got home. Right now, I wanted to be fully present. To breathe in what was right in front of us. The beach. The sun shining in the sky. The salty breeze curling through the open windows and tangling in my hair.
“I say we skip the hotel for now,” I said, squeezing his pinky playfully as I leaned toward the dashboard. “Let’s head straight to the beach. Spend the day soaking up the sun and pretending life isn’t so complicated.”
The sun was already casting a warm, honeyed light, but it was early enough that the sand wouldn’t burn beneath our feet. We still had hours to chase waves and collect memories, and I was desperate to stretch every second of it. My heart needed the ocean and maybe, it needed him too.
28
ELLIE
Isat with my legs out on a beach towel, nestling my feet beneath the soft sand, letting each grain slip and scatter between my toes. The sun poured down in golden waves, warming my skin, melting the tightness from my shoulders.
The rush of the waves crashing onto shore filled my ears, punctuated by the distant sound of kids laughing and splashing in the surf. The world felt far away. Quiet. Still.
Peace. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was nothing weighing me down. Just this moment. Just the sun.
Logan and I had arrived at the beach a little while ago, and neither of us had said much. We didn’t need to. We sat there, side by side, breathing in the serenity like it was the only thing keeping us afloat.
“Oh, shit,” I muttered, suddenly sitting upright and diving into the canvas bag beside me. I rummaged through it—book, headphones, a half-finished crossword puzzle—until I found the forgotten bottle of sunscreen I meant to use the moment we got here.
Logan was lying flat on his back, a ball cap tilted over his face to block the sun. At the sound of my voice, he shifted. The capslid down slightly as he cracked one eye open to watch me squirt the sunscreen into my palm.
I started with my face, then moved to my arms, chest, stomach, and legs, my skin already warm beneath my fingertips.
Then I hesitated.
Holding the bottle, I glanced over at Logan. “Would you mind getting my back?”
“Absolutely.”
“Eager much?”
He sat up without hesitation, tossing his cap aside and holding out his hand for the bottle.
“Skincare is important,” he replied with a playful grin.
I let out a small, nervous laugh as I turned away from him, gathering my hair and lifting it out of the way.
