“My sister keeps borrowing money and calling it a loan,” a woman says. “I tell her a loan has a due date and a gift doesn’t.”
“Do you want to gift her money?”
“No,” she says. “I want my money back. It’s always some excuse. She spent way too much for a dog and then had to borrow money to get all the accessories.”
“If you want her to stop borrowing, have her fill out a contract, with terms and a payment plan. Then when she misses her due date, you can charge her interest or just stop loaning her money. I know it’s easier said than done but promise me you’ll try it. Practice saying no in the mirror.”
“Okay,” she says and hangs up.
The next caller is a woman whose husband won’t go to counseling. Says therapy’s for marriages already dead. I tell her that’s backward. You go before it’s an emergency, not after. And if he won’t come with her, she goes alone and lets him watch it do some good.
“You’re on The Love Line with Liam.”
“Hi, my last child left for college and now I sit across the dinner table from my husband, and I can’t think of one thing to say to him.”
“How long have you been married?”
“Twenty years.”
“And you’ve spent most of the time being parents. Now, you need to figure out who you were when you got married and bring those people to the dinner table. Have a conversation about you, him, your day, and the vacation you want to take. Don’t bring up the kids, the bills, or why he didn’t take the trash out last night.”
She goes quiet, then says she’ll try.
“You’re on The Love Line with Liam.”
“Hey, hi,” he says. “My friends dared me to call you.”
“Let’s have it.”
“I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years and she won’t marry me. I ask, she says no, but doesn’t want to break up.”
This happened with Josie and Nick. He’d ask and she said no up until I came back, and then she said yes because she was afraid of her life crumbling around her. I did that to her. I put her in a vulnerable place because ten years prior I couldn’t tell her what I wanted or tell her that the dream we started to share was no longer the dream I wanted to live.
“Ask her what she’s scared of,” I tell him. “Maybe she doesn’t want to get married. My best friends aren’t married, and they’ve been together for twenty years plus. They have four kids and five grandchildren and are happy. They act like newlyweds and honestly, in all our years, I’ve never seen them fight. Marriage isn’t always the answer and it’s not for everyone. You won’t know until you sit down with her and ask. Be prepared for her answer and accept it.”
“You’re on The Love Line with Liam.”
“My husband bought me a vacuum for our anniversary. I cried and told him how wrong this is, but he says I’m overreacting.”
“Leave him,” I say with zero hesitation. “If he thinks buying you something for the house is a gift, then he sees you as a maid, not a partner. The only time this is acceptable is when you ask for this type of gift.”
“Harsh,” Bex says through my headphones. “Spot on, but harsh.”
“Men who do this drive me to drink. Have some consideration.” Nothing irritates me more than men who don’t think and then pretend like they don’t get it. Ask a buddy, he’ll tell ya.
My next caller is a woman whose husband’s ex-wife still texts him goodnight every night and calls it co-parenting. I tell her the text isn’t about the kids and her husband knows it, and the fix isn’t deleting the ex. He needs to tell the ex to stop or have a long, hard talk with his wife.
I keep the calls moving and during a break, I go to the bathroom to freshen up. In my office, I find a clean shirt and if anyone says anything about my pants, I’ll tell them it’s the new fade and they better jump on buying paint smeared jeans.
“All right, we’re back. I hope you enjoyed a little throwback to 4225 West’s first album. ‘Wake Up’ is a song I wrote for my now wife when I was eighteen. Let’s take our next caller.”
“Liam,” Bex says before I press the button. “Next one says he’s talked to you before. Older guy. Won’t leave a name.”
My gut tells me I know who this caller is before I even hear his voice. My mother, telling me she knows it’s him echoes loudly.
I nod to Bex and punch the line.
I clear my throat. “You’re on The Love Line with Liam.”
