Sadie pins me with her all-too-understanding gaze. “Pretty sure it’s a vat of honey situation.”
Ugh. I glare at Avah. “What did you tell them?”
“Nothing.” She glares right back. “Because I don’t know anything since you’re being all secret squirrel about the country crooner.”
“We wantyouto tell us,” Sadie adds.
“How do you know him?” Avah demands.
I should have made up a story after last weekend, something plausible but not quite the truth. Because at the moment, I feel too raw to invent a backstory that they’ll buy without me having to reveal everything.
“We met last summer in Nashville,” I say. “Right before my first appointment at Vanderbilt. A one-night stand. No big deal.”
The words drag up a slew of memories. Crumpled hotel sheets in pale morning light. The ink curving around his arm as I untangled myself from his embrace. The fact that I shut the hotel room door with every intention of going back to the bar that night.
Iris is the first to speak. “Girl, you must have some crazy between-the-sheets sorcery going on if a guy shows up with that look on his face after a year-old one-night stand.”
Piper snorts out a laugh while the rest of them attempt to keep their faces straight.
“It was actually two nights,” I mutter, as if that makes a difference.
“Okay then.” Taylor taps a finger on her chin, her lips twitching. “That changes things.”
“No.” I shake my head and blink back tears. “Cancer changed things.”
“Sloane, talk to us,” Molly implores before sitting back in her chair like she’d wait all day if that’s what it takes. The rest of them look just as patient, which I know can’t be easy.
Let’s face it, this is definitely a honey situation. These women have been at my side—sometimes literally and sometimes through texts and FaceTime calls—for every step of my cancer journey. They’d gladly take any part of the burden from me, but cancer is my weight to carry. No one who hasn’t been through it can truly get it. At least that’s what I’ve tried to convince myself. But they’re here. They’ve stayed. And I need them to understand more than I’m willing to admit.
“We met at a bar. I didn’t give him my real name,” I say, staring at the table. “It was supposed to be one night, but I went back because I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and he showed up again, too.”
I flash Iris a smile that wobbles a little at the corners. “No sorcery involved—at least on my part—but it was even better. He told me he’d be at the bar again as I was walking out of the hotel room. But when I got to Vanderbilt’s oncology department, my two-night stand’s photo was pinned to a corkboard of their favorite volunteers. And suddenly, the guy with the guitar and the smile that made me forget all my problems felt like he belonged to a different person’s life.”
I pick at the edge of my thumbnail because meeting any of their gazes right now would destroy me. “A woman who wasn’t facing an uncertain future thanks to the Big C. I was scared and felt out of control. There was no way I was going to pursue a relationship with a man I’d known for forty-eight hours.” I hate the way my voice cracks on the last part. “So I didn’t go back. I told myself forgetting him was the mature thing to do, which is a real fun lie to sell yourself at three a.m. when you’re wondering if the nausea or the loneliness is going to kill you first.”
“Honey.” Molly reaches across the table and grasps my hand. I turn it over in hers and squeeze her fingers.
“Trust me, I know how lucky I am. I have good insurance and a billionaire brother who covered every gap without blinking. I have all of you.” Emotion clogs my throat, and I do my best to swallow it down. “A lot of people go through what I went through completely alone. I’m grateful every single day that I didn’t. But grateful isn’t always easy. And seeing Jensen again and then him showing up here, looking at me like—” I wave a hand vaguely toward the door. “You all saw him looking at me.”
“Yeah, we did,” Piper agrees with a satisfied smile.
“I’m sticking with sexual sorcery,”Iris adds.
Heat rushes to my cheeks. “The thought of being with Jensen again feels like standing at the edge of something I can’t control.” I shrug. “And I’ve spent the last fifteen months clawing my way back to life as I know it.”
“Sometimes control is overrated,” Sadie says quietly.
Taylor nods. “Very.”
“I don’t want to be out of control with a man.” I press my lips together. “Which is why we need to talk about literally anything else.”
Avah opens her mouth, but Molly gives her a patented mom glare, and Avah sits back in her chair with her hands raised in surrender. “What do you want to talk about that isn’t the country music hottie?”
It feels like the best strategy I have right now is to take a left turn so sharp it’ll give them whiplash. “How about the part where I’m leaving for Montana tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” Avah chokes out. “You didn’t say anything about tomorrow.”
“I got interrupted.” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and try to project a confidence I don’t entirely feel. “But it’s my plan.” As of this very moment. “Kristen is there, and I want to be there, too.”
