“We’ll see.”
She drops me off in Stellan’s office and promises to bring him over. I can’t sit still and end up pacing near the books. Photographs line the wall to the left. Stellan’s parents, old Capos from the Famiglia, Stellan and Kira standing with Kira’s sister Gem at her first day of college, a little baby in Kira’s arms. A nice family, if you can ignore all the murdering.
“My wife said today was going to be a good day.” Stellan enters the room. He pauses when he spots me. “I have a feeling she was wrong.”
“Good to see you too.”
“I hope so. Sit down. Want a drink?”
“Always.”
“Sounds like you need the good stuff.” Stellan pours two glasses from a decanter. I sip old, barrel aged bourbon. It warms my chest as my friend and boss settles himself behind his desk. “I’m going to take one guess at why you’re here.”
“It’s Fontana.”
He doesn’t look remotely surprised. “I’ve been waiting for this visit.”
I stiffen, gripping my glass. “What’s that mean?”
“You think I don’t know what goes on in my own fucking business?” Stellan leans forward. He doesn’t seem angry, exactly, more like he’s annoyed. “You think I don’t get a call when a mysterious drug shipment goes through my depot?”
I scratch my scalp. “I called in favors.”
“And your favors are clearly worth shit. What did you get yourself into?”
“I wanted to fix it on my own, I really did.”
“How’d that go?”
“Bad.”
“Start talking.”
I tell him everything. I go all the way to the beginning. It pours out and I hate it, like I’m puking and puking and can’t stop spewing sick bile. I tell him about Alfonso and Shawn, I tell him about the hate I’ve carried all these years, the way I’ve shut myself down, distanced myself, only felt safe enough with him because he can handle his own business. I talk about getting a chance at Fontana, about marrying Deanna, about all that planning and self-destruction coming undone the second I kissed her that first time. I tell him about the trap I blunder into.
“You should have come to me sooner.” Stellan swirls his glass. He’s a strong man and not fast to anger. If I were in his position, I’d be beating me to death already.
“Didn’t think I could.”
“Can’t blame you there. You fucked up, Prime.”
“I know.”
“What did I tell you? From the fucking start?”
“I know, Stellan. I’m sorry.” I drain my glass and dredge the last of my truth from my chest, the final piece that fits it all together. “I didn’t think I’d still be around. There was no after. I always knew killing Fontana would be killing myself too, and I judged that a fair trade in the end. I felt bad, going against your orders, but I figured it wouldn’t matter once I was gone.”
“What changed?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious. “You know where he lives. Why not show up and shoot him in the face?”
“Deanna. Didn’t mean for her to happen.”
“Just thought you were marrying your personal assistant?”
“Pretty much.”
“God, you stupid fucking asshole.”
I narrow my eyes. “That’s probably fair.”
