“Went through my things,” he says but he doesn’t sound upset.
“I’m scared, Prime. What’s going on? You’ve been gone for days.”
“I’m working through some things.” He doesn’t move. I’m struck again at how beautiful he is, the graceful curve of his chest, the strength in his arms and shoulders. He’s a man, a massive and powerfully built animal, and it drives me wild.
“Talk to me. I know this is hard. I know you’re doing it for me, but there has to be another way?—“
“It’s all I’ve been thinking for the past few days.” He stands in front of me almost naked and demonic, beautiful and destructive. “Trying to come up with another angle. And you know what I came up with? That gun and that phone.”
“That’s your plan?”
“Kill Fontana. Likely die in the process. But hopefully have time to call and tell Stellan to protect you when I can’t.”
“Jesus Christ, Prime, that’s not a plan, that’s a suicide attempt.”
“You think I want this?” He kneels in front of me, his hands gripping my knees. “You’re all I want, Deanna. The thought of leaving you fucking breaks me. But at least I know you’ll have the money you need to take care of your parents and Stellan’s protection. He won’t let me down.”
“You’re not doing anything stupid.” I touch his cheek, shifting so I’m leaning forward. I pull his face toward me, hugging him to my chest, his lips between my breasts. “Damn it Prime, I’m not letting you go.”
“I don’t want to do it.” His hands slide up my back, fingers digging into my shoulders. “But I can’t live like this baby. I’ve worked hard to make my own choices. Nobody fucking owns me. Except now—“ He cuts himself off with a soft, exhaled snarl of pain. “I can’t look at myself in the mirror.”
“Go to Stellan then. Tell him everything.”
“He’ll hate me. Better to clean up my mess and hope he comes through after I’ve gone.”
“Prime—“
“What else is there?” He turns, forehead to my collarbone. His lips kiss between my chest. He kisses again, moving up. “I have nothing but you now.”
“I’m not enough?”
“God, don’t say that.”
“Really? I’m not enough, is that it?”
“Stop it.”
“No,youstop it. I can’t watch this self-destructive spiral you’re in. I won’t let you get yourself killed just because you haven’t thought of another solution yet. There are so many other things we can try first, but not that.” My fingers tug against his hair, forcing him to look at me. “Not now and not ever.”
His chin’s tilted upwards. He looks at me through desire-filled eyes, half-lidded and rimmed with pain. His palms cup my face.
“You’re what I have left, but if I try anything else, they’ll hurt you, and I won’t let that happen. I’m sorry, Deanna. I never wanted to put you in this position.”
“You don’t understand.” I kiss him then, kiss him hard. He kisses me back with a fierce hunger and I pause only long enough to hold his gaze. “I love you Prime. It kills me seeing you like this, but now that I have you, I’m not going to let you go. It’ll break me, losing you, and I won’t do it. You’re not going anywhere. You’re not getting yourself killed.”
“Fuck, baby,” he whispers, emotion thick in his voice. “Don’t say that to me.”
“I love you.” I kiss him again. “I love you. Will that keep you with me? I love you.”
“Please,” he groans, one hand snaking into my hair and gripping tight. “Deanna.”
“I love you.” I don’t care if I’m making a fool of myself. Prime’s not capable of feeling the same way I do, or at least I don’t think he is, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. He has to know how I feel on the very small chance that it might keep him from self-destructing.
His lips find mine. The kiss is soft, unlike my desperate attacks. His other hand trails down my lower lip.
“God damn it, Deanna. You have no idea what hearing that does to me.”
“Then stay. Throw away the phone. Forget about the gun. I love you, Prime.”
