“That’s all I needed to hear. For you to give me a shred of hope that we can have another chance to be together.”
“It feels wrong accepting your kindness.”
“When it comes to you, Lils, I don’t know another way to be.”
Jaxon shifted his weight from beside me, lying back briefly, allowing himself to casually swing a leg over my head so he could settle behind me on the swing. His legs framed mine while he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I need you to know that I would have never left your room that morning if I had known what awaited me once I returned home.”
“I know,” he whispered next to my ear.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you. I know your heart; you always put others’ needs above your own. Your family’s disappearance was why I changed professions despite firefighting being in my blood.”
“Really?” I looked over my shoulder at him as he nodded in affirmation.
“I felt powerless and in the dark. I thought that if I joined the police force, it would give me the resources I needed to help me get answers, and in a roundabout way, my training offered me perspective. It forced me to look back at your life differently, analyze the facts through a different lens.”
“Do you regret your choice?”
“To become a cop over a firefighter? No, not for a single second. I was born to be on the front lines, helping others, thinking on my feet. Policing still gives me that adrenaline, but it also gives me purpose that extends past the job.”
“I can’t imagine Sutton River is exactly a mecca for crime.”
“You’d be right, but we’ve still got our fair share of drama from time to time.”
“So what did you piece together about me?” I asked curiously.
“I started journaling anything and everything I could remember. No fact was insignificant. Details you mentioned, things my parents and brothers remembered. I even interrogated Arizona.”
“What? When?”
“Don’t worry, it was years ago, definitely nothing recent. She never once let on that you were back; Arizona’s a trustworthy friend.”
“She tried so many times to get me to come back here, but just the thought of it was petrifying. I couldn’t shake the fear of how you’d look at me. What you’d say, or worse, what you wouldn’t.” And the truth was, I was still fearful, but I had too much respect for Jaxon not to face whatever would come my way head-on. “Over the years, I’d built a story in my head that you’d hate me once you learned the truth. Carrying that belief was one thing, but standing in front of you and seeing that hatred in your eyes? Feeling it? I knew it would break me in ways I wouldn’t survive.”
“I’m sorry you felt that way.”
“Please don’t apologize, that’s on me. I’m a work in progress.”
“So why New Year’s Eve of all the nights? I know your landlord texted about the emergency repairs needed at your place, but did something else happen?”
Instinctively, my body tensed, and I cursed myself internally, knowing he had to have felt it.
“I know you were in fight-or-flight mode. I recognized the signs.” His words weren’t accusatory; they were honest and spoken out of genuine concern.
“Can we save that story for another day? It’s not something I want to think about right now.”
“Of course, you’re in the driver’s seat here. You set the pace.”
“Thank you.” I leaned my head back on his chest. “What else did you piece together about my family?”
“You were six when your family moved here from London, England. But back then, that wasn’t relevant; we were just little kids, unaware of life’s hardships and challenges. All my brothers and friends cared about was Nerf guns, building the ultimate Hot Wheels racetrack throughout the house, trading Pokémon cards, or what snack was packed in our lunchbox that we could trade.” His voice was light and reflective as he listed off memories of his childhood innocence.
“Your mom made the best lunches.” A smile spread across my face at the memory. “Sandwiches cut in the shapes of dinosaurs, strawberries shaped like hearts, star-shaped cheese, and googly eyes making silly faces. I remember trying to do that when I played mommy with my dolls with Ari.”
“You did? How did I not know that?”
