“What about when he was home?”
“Some of those memories might be the only ones I hold close. Life was different when he was around. My mom’s hatred toward me wasn’t as harsh. We’d have dinner together, sometimes go out as a family, but then he’d leave, and I was back to being the outcast.”
“And your sister?”
“She was the light in my darkness, my saving grace.” Lakelyn stared down at the grass with glossy eyes. “We were close, despite my mom’s attempts to keep us separated. She couldn’t sever our bond, which made her even more vengeful toward me. We even created a secret language so we could talk in code without anyone knowing. But for all our similarities, we were different. Annabelle thrived from all our mom’s attention while I learned to stand strong on my own. The lack of love I felt taught me not to want or need anything from anyone else to make myself happy. I can’t help but suspect it played a role in how my sister fell into Anthony’s trap once we moved across the country for school since it was pretty evident early on she struggled with being on her own. I did my best to fill our mom’s void and ensured we spoke daily. I even flew to Houston to see her when I could, but things changed once he came on the scene, and our communication dwindled. She became secretive.”
“Did she ever come to you?”
“No, she said the thought of traveling alone would give her anxiety.”
“How did she get to Houston from Buffalo to begin with?”
“Our parents drove her, then flew back.”
“And with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Meaning you traveled to San Diego on your own?”
She nodded. “I didn’t care, as aside from my sister, I was glad to leave and did so the day after graduation while Annabelle waited until the week she was allowed to move into her dorm.”
“Did they help financially get you set up or pay for school?”
“They offered to pay for residence and tuition but on their terms. Heading out West early meant I was on my own, something I had long accepted. I wanted nothing tying me to them. I learned handouts came with a price I refused to pay, but the advantage of being cast aside and not being thrust into competitive activities so one’s mother could make friends was that once I was old enough to work, I got a job so I could stash money away and leave. I flew across the country, rented a shack of an apartment I’d lined up before leaving and found a job. I moved a few times before becoming roommates with a friend I’d made at school. While in the end I might have racked up enough student debt to sink me, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.”
“Let me guess, they covered everything for your sister?”
She nodded in affirmation while I sat in awe of this woman. She was so damn strong and independent.
“In a way, I made peace with everything a long time ago, but when Annabelle died, all the pain from my upbringing resurfaced. Everything was amplified, and I was drowning. My parent’s dismissal was the final blow I didn’t see coming. It crushed me. I broke. A few weeks after I returned to San Diego, I learned my roommate had submitted an application to a reality dating show behind my back, and when the acceptance letter arrived, she convinced me to take the plunge. I was desperate, dead inside. I just wanted to feel something, anything. So I arranged for a leave of absence from my job and went on the show, which worsened everything. I should have never done it. I should have listened to my gut.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
She shook her head no vehemently. “Yes, I did. I did. I was born.”
“Lakelyn.”
“My mom emailed me during my time on the show. She blamed me for her continued pain, said I was selfish and that I was so clearly starved for attention that I’d stooped to a new low and humiliated them. They believed the lies the tabloids printed, as opposed to asking if they were true. While I was used to it, it didn’t ease the hurt any less. The producers knew I was vulnerable, and I didn’t have much fight left in me. I committed to following their rules, which also included keeping my mouth shut on the process behind the scenes, in turn for a lump sum payment that would allow me to pay off my student loans and then severed ties once it was done. I was never with Tyler. It was all for ratings and to boost his profile since he had an energy drink launching. I deleted all social media, closed my email account, and lost my job and home. I had nothing.”
“And that’s when you came here.”
“I knew I needed to leave the city, but I didn’t know where to go. It will sound goofy, but I covered my eyes, placed a finger on my computer screen, and that’s how I picked my destination. It led me to Sutton River.”
“God, Lakelyn, you are hands down, unequivocally the strongest person I know. Your past, your parents—it’s shameful what they did, and while I can’t erase the hurt or the trauma of everything you’ve been through, I can promise you, you’ll never feel unwanted with me. You deserve the world and all the beauty it has to offer.”
“Thank you for being patient with me, and I’m sorry again for not opening up sooner.”
“I understand yourwhyand while we are still on the subject of the show. I’ve got some explaining of my own to do. When I first saw those magazines, I’m not going to lie; I was pissed. But I wasn’t mad at you, per se. I was mad at the situation. We all make choices, some good and some not, and while I didn’t know your why, I knew you. I knew the person I had fallen in love with had a kind soul, and I didn’t believe the lies on those covers for one second. That being said, I was angry that you were being exploited, and I needed some time to calm myself and clear my head because you didn’t deserve the shitty mood I was in that night.”
“I would have understood.”
“Hindsight sure is twenty-twenty, isn’t it.”
She winced. “I’d never met him—Anthony. I hadn’t even seen a photo because Annabelle always had excuses for not sharing one. I was shocked when he finally played his cards in the storage locker. Everything started to fall into place, the texts and emails I got during the show.”
“Jenna filled me in on those but next time, promise—”
